


Everybody Hates John Adams

by rita5



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Camp Nanowrimo, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Journalism, M/M, NaNoWriMo, Washington is a very hands on prez, White House, alex is a cute disgruntled puppy, but you can stick around and find out with me, i dont know where this is going, maybe thats just cus he adores alex idk, oh yeah and this is for, pray for 50k
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rita5/pseuds/rita5
Summary: ON HIATUS-Hamilton and Jefferson hate each other. They are competing journalists working in the White House under supervisor John Adams and they will fight until the death to take over his position when he eventually retires on a pile of money.Alex's plan to out-write Jefferson is temporarily pushed aside when he gets roped into signing a contract that says he and his mortal enemy have to fake a public relationship. Washington lets it slip that this fake relationship is actually a cover up for something much bigger - and Alexander is dead set on finding out what the President is hiding.





	1. the Bet ™

**Author's Note:**

> we're in this together guys
> 
> camp nanowrimo 2k17
> 
> 50,000 words
> 
> lets go

Alexander considered himself to be a patient person. Sure, he had his moments, what with having a short fuse and the inability to shut the hell up, but he could be tolerant when the time was right. So, when Washington approached his office one afternoon, sweaty and visibly nervous, Alex sat and waited patiently for the President to start talking.

"Ah. Alex." Washington sat down in the chair across from Alexander's desk.

"That's me."

"You - uh, okay. Here's the thing. My team has decided," Alex raised an eyebrow at that because wasn't he a part of Washington's team? Washington noticed Alexander's expression and corrected himself, wiping both hands on his dress pants. Alex mentally swore if Washington got any more moist, he would need to mop the floor after this conversation. "My publicity team has decided, you know, publicity like, they control social media and public image and-"

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm familiar." Washington nodded quickly and cleared his throat.

"Yes. Of course. As I was saying, they've decided we could make some improvements around here, specifically regarding the, ahem, relationship between you and Thomas Jefferson."

"Jefferson?" Alex butted in, scooting his computer chair closer to his desk so he had a better view of Washington's face. He had the fleeting thought that his vision might improve if he took his reading glasses off. "Relationship? You mean, the one where we hate each other."

Washington winced.

"That's the one."

Alexander rolled his eyes and folded his hands on his desk. If Washington was about to ask him to be _decent_ to Jefferson, he wasn't going to go down easy. Jefferson was, like, the tenth hugest asshole working at the White House. He had it out for Alexander; they spent the past two years fighting to be chief of staff. Alexander was clearly more qualified and well-suited for the job - he could write an article the length of an essay in five minutes flat with minimal errors and it took Jefferson a full hour to get one sentence out. Their current supervisor was a lazy prick who managed to manipulate his way to the top. John Adams. Rumor had it that Adams planned to retire in the next six months and Hamilton was ready to fight tooth and nail for the promotion he so deserved. Jefferson didn't stand a chance.

"Okay, so, let me get this straight. Your publicist wants me to be friends with Jefferson? Am I getting paid for this?" Washington coughed out a laugh and delicately dabbed a handkerchief to his forehead.

"Not exactly. I'm just going to say it. Don't get mad. We need you and Jefferson to show the public you're in a.. romantic relationship."

Alexander paled for a good ten seconds before he remembered to breathe and blood came rushing back to his cheeks.

"I'm sorry - did you say _romantic_? I think I heard you wrong. I think you meant to say something else, Washington, because how the FUCK am I supposed to magically fall in love with Jefferson when we can't even be in the same room for five minutes without physically attacking each other?!"

"Alex, calm down! It's not real. PR wants the two worst enemies in the office to fake a relationship, that's going to draw the most attention. It happens all the time." Alexander sneered and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"This isn't the fucking Kardashians, George, I'm not going to bone Jefferson for views!"

"You don't have to bone anybody! All you have to do is let people _believe_ that you bone." Alexander groaned and collapsed onto his desk.

"And what does Jefferson say about this?"

As if they actually were on a tv show, there was a suspiciously convenient knock on the door to Hamilton's office as soon as he finished speaking.

"Come in." Alex called out begrudgingly, slightly muffled by how his face was buried in his arms. He already knew who it was. He could smell the bastard from down the hall.

"Ah, mister Washington," The nasally voice of a rat made Alexander's stomach churn. "I thought I might find you here."

"Jefferson! I was just explaining to Hamilton about the... situation." Alex glanced up from his spot on the desk just in time to catch Jefferson's know-it-all smirk.

"Is that so?" Jefferson drawled annoyingly, "I had _no idea_."

"Hey, Jefferson, guess what?" Alexander asked in the sweetest voice he could muster, finally picking himself up from the desk and sitting up straight to stare at his enemy. His glasses hung dangerously low on his nose and were slightly off kilter.

"What?"

"Fuck you!" Alex spat. He ignored Washington's offended gasp and drowned in the way Jefferson's eyes went from genuine interest to harsh and closed off in a split second after hearing Alex's response. It was like a switch flipped and a wall went up. The way Jefferson was standing, like he owned the place, went from relaxed to stiff. Anybody else wouldn't have noticed. But Alexander could also be a perceptive man, when he could sit still long enough to pay attention. Patience and perceptiveness. Alexander Hamilton's two hidden qualities.

"You wish." Jefferson retorted, cocking his head to the side infuriatingly.

"No, I don't! That's the whole point!" Alex screeched. Washington cleared his throat loudly and held up a hand, effectively shutting them both up. Alexander knew that hand and he knew better than to disobey that hand. Last time he kept going after Washington pulled that threat, he'd been sent home with no work for a full week. He just about lost his mind.

"Gentlemen. Not to pull the career card, but I am The Goddamn President of the United States. And your boss. And this is part of your job." Alex fought a childish whine and watched as George looked away from him to stare off into space. "You're both seen by the public more than anyone else. People feel like they know you through your writing. We need this office to look good. Just, trust me. There's a reason. I just can't tell you yet."

And, okay, now, that was new. Alexander raised an eyebrow and looked away from Washington to Jefferson, who was already making the same face back. Was there some kind of gossip that they didn't know about? The President had a secret? Alex could get on board with that.

"So, you're saying something is going on and you need us as a public distraction?"

"Exactly, Alex!" Washington beamed, "But if you speak one word of this to anyone, you're fired. You too, Thomas." Alex gulped. "There's a contract for each of you in my office, if you'll excuse me."

And with that, Washington stood up and ducked out of Hamilton's office, presumably to get the paperwork. As soon as he left, Jefferson slipped into the chair in front of Alex's desk. He and Alex stared at each other for a few seconds before Jefferson broke the silence.

"We're on the same page, right?" Jefferson said in a voice alarmingly less teasing than what Alex was used to. Alexander allowed himself to give Jefferson the most tiniest smile in the world.

"Right. Do whatever Washington says so we can find out what he's hiding." Jefferson nodded solemnly and leaned closer to Alex.

"I would do anything to get that information. You know what any kind of scandal would do for my blog?"

"I know. You're shit out of luck, though, cus I'm gonna find out first." Jefferson glared at Alexander and scoffed.

"Yeah, right! Hundred bucks says I publish first."

"You're on. I'll double your offer. Two hundred dollars. I bet I can find out and post about it before you."

"Deal."

Jefferson held out his left hand and held his right hand up so Alexander could see it clearly. Alex mirrored his motions and gripped Jefferson's hand in his own, shaking it twice.

"Deal."


	2. MY ASS IS PERFECTLY INNOCENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more info about the office situation, alex and thomas bicker, what else is new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY about the long break between chapters! i have worked. so many hours this week. 15 yesterday, 16 the day before, 7 the day before, 9 before that, and 10.5 the day before that so. i am very burnt out. but i'm not giving up! according to camp nanowrimo, i need to write an average of 2k a day to achieve my goal and that's not unreachable! so here's a bunch of Alex Thoughts ™ before i leave for church in 15 minutes. as always i love to hear your feedback and i am working on filling 3+ prompts from last week so keep sending more!
> 
> ALSO VANESSA TWEETED ME YESTERDAY. as in, lin's wife. and lin tweeted me 30 days ago today. so basically i'm adopted,,,,,,

The whole ordeal started out relatively easy, much to Alexander's surprise. They both signed a minimum three month contract which would make this fake relationship longer than all of Hamilton's past relationships combined. Alexander's years spent slaving away at law school turned out to be useful for something after all; he read and reread his contract as thoroughly as possible before deciding there were no hidden requirements and everything really WAS that simple.

It was an agreement to allow the public to believe he and Jefferson were a couple for three months. Alex wouldn't be able to correct anybody if they asked about his relationship - even his own friends. He tried negotiating with Washington on that because he couldn't lie to his best friends and eventually got special permission to tell John, Hercules, and Lafayette as long as they also signed a confidentiality agreement. It was all very business-like and professional and it kind of freaked Alexander out.

The people working in PR never liked him much. They preferred to sit quietly at their desks with their neat haircuts and clean clothes and not interact with anyone unless absolutely necessary. Psh. Their unwillingness to work as a community was why they did so well with top secret projects such as this. Alexander could never do that, he had a passion for talking and he was never more alive than with the attention of a hundred people on him at once. That was one big reason why he gave up being a lawyer and took up journalism instead. He could speak to a huge audience with his own - mostly unbiased - opinions instead of taking certain sides for money or some other profit. It ended up working out a thousand times better when he got recruited by the White House and introduced to the President, who quickly realized Alexander's potential and took the fresh-out-of-law-school twenty six year old under his wing. It didn't take long for Alex to go from being an intern to being one of the top two writers on the team. He and Jefferson wrote essays, speeches, articles, blog posts, anything with more than a hundred words, and the competition between them only served to improve and inspire everything they wrote.

It wasn't that Alexander hated Jefferson - they just never figured out how to mesh. There was something about Jefferson that made Alex's skin crawl and the hair on the nape of his neck stand up. Every time they had to interact, Jefferson ran his mouth and never failed to come up with a snarky reply for everything Alexander said. It drove him mad. And now, they would be going out in public on 'dates' and doing stupid stuff like holding doors for each other and pulling out chairs and sharing food. Alexander had no idea what to expect - would anybody even notice or recognize them on these outings? Why did it matter if they were seen in public together?

Even worse, both Alexander and Jefferson were required to give up control of their social media accounts. They would still be publishing articles and putting content out, but everything on social media had to be given the all clear by someone at PR. Someone was literally assigned the job of monitoring Alexander's Twitter account. Alex knew he was pretty popular online, especially with his open activism and intense support of minority movements, but he felt like he was receiving the celebrity treatment. What next, would people be approaching him for pictures and autographs? Yeah, right.

After signing the contracts and sitting through a brief meeting with Washington about how crucial their full participation would be over the next three months, Alexander and Jefferson were released to get back to their normal work days. Alexander watched from the doorway of Washington's office as Jefferson sauntered down the hall to his own office, feeling slightly like he should follow and, like, discuss this whole thing without Washington's beady eyes on them. Jefferson shared an office with two people - Burr and Madison. Burr was a paperwork guy - Alex wasn't entirely sure what his job was, but it involved filling out a lot of forms and organizing giant stacks of paper. Alexander had never gotten close enough to Burr's desk to see what exactly was on all those papers, but he was sure it was incredibly boring. Madison, on the other hand, kept a pristine workspace with nothing extra lying around. He had exactly one pen and one journal on his desk. Alex often wondered what sort of secrets were being kept in Madison's drawers, he liked to imagine something cool like a dagger or a miniature ant farm, but in reality it was probably a bunch of lame stuff like his inhaler and an extra pair of socks.

On the rare occasion that Alexander was able to slip into the shared workspace, his favorite thing to go through was Jefferson's desk. Jefferson was as unexpected as Alex was annoying, and Alex thought himself to be very annoying. It was one of the character traits that got him his way. On top of Jefferson's desk, there was an assortment of absurd items such as a giant quill made from a _peacock feather_ (that Alexander had never seen him use before, he suspected it might just be for show but what kind of person would own a quill and not use it?), a permanently half-eaten chocolate bar that Jefferson took occasional bites of when he was stressed out (Alex knew this because he was the reason for Jefferson's skyrocketing stress levels more often than not), a locust shell (seriously, what the fuck.), and possibly the strangest of all - an _autographed_ picture of Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson in a picture frame made entirely out of rocks. 

As luck would have it, on this particular day, both Burr and Madison were out of the office. Not that Madison was a huge threat to Alex - the guy was a huge pushover. If Alexander tried to sneak into the room, he'd just roll his eyes and pretend not to see. Alex considered him an accomplice to the many pranks Alexander loved to pull on Burr and Jefferson (mostly Burr) on weekends when nobody else on the writing team was at work. Madison would be at his desk, typing away on the tiniest Macbook in the world, while Alex superglued Burr's desk drawers shut or poured honey from the coffee bar on his chair. Alex received a bill for Burr's dry cleaning at least once a month. As hard as Alexander tried to ruin the stupid pressed suits Burr insisted on wearing to work, he hadn't been able to do any permanent damage. Yet.

When Burr was at the White House, the door was closed and the window blinds drawn. Alexander wasn't allowed within a three foot radius of the entryway. He'd managed to get inside exactly once while Burr was at his desk and he escaped with the scars of ten precisely sharpened pencils on his back and the memory of Jefferson's toothy grin in his peripheral.

Alexander shuddered at the memory as he approached the open door of Jefferson's office. It was well known that Burr had terrible aim; he always came in last during office-wide paper football tournaments, so if he missed by hitting Alex in the back, well, Alexander didn't want to know what part Burr was actually aiming for.

Jefferson was standing, back to the door, hunched over his desk when Alex entered. He was leaning against the desk with his thighs and his arms were bent at the elbow like he was holding something up to his face. Jefferson's wild hair spiraled out from his head and, as always, Alexander had the urge to throw something small just to see if it would get stuck in that mane before Jefferson noticed. The way Jefferson was standing - Alexander knew. To anybody else, he would look casual, possibly like he hadn't expected to be followed. But Alex was wise to his tricks. The open door, the way Jefferson was pointedly facing away from said door, the split second between when Hamilton entered and Jefferson turned around, he would probably say something stupid like - 

"Ah, Hamilton! Long time no see."

That.

"We were literally just sitting next to each other for thirty minutes."

Jefferson let out a low chuckle, maneuvering so he was sitting just so slightly on his desk. Like Alexander suspected, his phone was in his hands, the screen still on like he paused halfway through a text. Jefferson ignored Alexander's statement in favor of looking back at his phone and tapping the screen with his thumbnails. Alex cringed and clenched his jaw in irritation - who typed with their fucking fingernails??? Why did Jefferson have to be the most impossible person in existence?

Alexander took a deep breath in through his nose and counted to ten. When he was done, Jefferson was still typing. Finally, he seemed satisfied with whatever he was writing and clicked the phone screen off, lifting his head again to meet Alexander's gaze. Alex felt his defenses go up at the knowing look in Jefferson's eye. He was making Alex wait on purpose. Alexander relaxed his muscles, specifically his arms where they were crossed over his chest, and took another deep breath before he spoke.

"So. We're together." Alexander ignored Jefferson's fake gag. "I have to know - why are you doing this? Washington approached you before he told me and you obviously agreed before we found out about whatever top secret information he's hiding. Why would you want to date me?"

"I don't want to date you, asshole. This is just for publicity. To tell you the truth, I could use more views on my _personal_ blog." The way he emphasized personal was extremely confusing to Alex, he made a mental note to find out more later then smiled inwardly at himself. His natural nosy-ness would be the key to winning this bet and showing Washington who really had a gift for journalism. Alex tuned back in to whatever Jefferson was saying in time to hear the end of a pointless monologue - "and, by the way, do you always talk in run on sentences?"

Alex quirked a wry smile and shifted his weight to one leg, cocking his hip out and tilting his head.

"Buddy, my entire life is a run on sentence."

"That makes sense. I always knew you were a mess."

"At least I have a way with words." Alex shot back. Jefferson's jaw twitched.

"Just because you never stop talking doesn't mean you know what the hell you're talking about!" Alexander breathed out a dry laugh, throwing his head back for good measure.

"That's rich coming from you! The only reason you've made it this far is because you're a master at pulling stuff out of your ass!" Jefferson gasped and threw a hand over his heart.

"How _dare_ you, my _ass_ is perfectly innocent!"

Alexander was full on grinning at this point, the angry gleam in Jefferson's eye making it hard for him to look away. Alex leaned forward, the distance between him and Jefferson suddenly feeling too small, too crowded, even though they were still across the room from each other. Alex raised his eyebrows and licked his lips to prepare for his final blow.

"Tell that to Madison." He whispered before turning on his heel and marching back down the hallway. Jefferson's affronted gasp and noise of protest made Alexander bristle with pride.

Hamilton: 1  
Jefferson: 0


	3. mazel tov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too many dad jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ATTENTION** i will now be updating every monday and friday, i am going on vacation for ten days at the end of this month (the 20th to the 30th) and again in may (may 6th to may 9th) and when i figure out the plan for updating then, i'll let you know.
> 
> the woman alexander meets in the grocery store is based off a real woman, a transgender australian woman who has lung problems and was divorced twice and cleans up murder scenes and basically has the most interesting life story i've ever heard. pleasE read it (although i will be using her in the storyline so if you don't want spoilers, don't read the article yet) and follow this page (Narratively) on facebook - they have some of the most interesting stories i have ever read, told by the people who actually lived these experiences.
> 
> http://narrative.ly/the-secret-life-of-a-crime-scene-cleaner/

The next few days passed without much huzzah; nobody threw Alex and Jefferson a "Congrats Ur Dating" party even though Alexander mentioned to Washington more than a few times how fun that would be. He really just wanted the free alcohol that was provided at work parties. Other than that, the subject of fake relationships got kind of lost with Alex being so wrapped up in his work. He had to put together a fact list for this article he was writing on the benefits of public service, then he had to crunch numbers and compare public service as an act of volunteer work compared to a punishment for people on parole. It wasn't too engaging, but Alex pressed on because he knew his next project was going to be remarkable and he wanted to get started on it as soon as possible.

The previous weekend, Alex had run into a tall, glamorous woman at a grocery store buying thirty gallons of bleach. Anybody would have been intrigued, but Alexander was mesmerized. Upon asking what she needed thirty gallons of bleach for, he was handed a business card with the words "Trauma Cleaning Services" scrawled on one side and a list on the other side with things like "Hoarding and Pet Hoarding Clean up" and "Homicide, Suicide, and Death Scenes" and _fuck_ if Alex wasn't completely hooked after that. The woman - Sandra, according to her business card - gave him her number with a saucy wink and the promise of a business lunch sometime. Alex wanted to follow her out to her car like a puppy, but he resisted. They'd been texting on and off since then about how Alexander wanted to put her in an article on the White House website and maybe focus on other "unseen" jobs; jobs we don't think about but someone is out there doing. Alex was stoked to get started on that, so he powered through the rest of the week and got the article about public service out early on Friday afternoon.

No sooner had Alex published the article than his phone buzzed with a text from John.

5:36PM bae: hey

5:36PM chatterbox: creep

5:37PM bae: you made me turn on notifications for you, asshole

5:38PM chatterbox: i did NO SUCH THING

5:40PM bae: YOU DID TOO YOU STOLE MY PHONE AND SIGNED ME UP FOR AN EMAIL SUBSCRIPTION SO I WOULD KNOW EVERY TIME YOU POSTED SOMETHING

5:40PM bae: anyway

5:40PM bae: drinks 2nite?

5:41PM chatterbox: bro i'm #broke

5:43PM bae: half off @ that place near mcallisters after 6

5:44PM chatterbox: shit well let me tell gwash im heading out early

5:44PM bae: kk

Alexander shoved his phone in his pocket and turned the computer moniter off before standing up at his desk. He groaned as he stretched his arms over his head and flexed his back. He had a bad habit of hunching over at his desk while working at his computer and no amount of fancy French products from Lafayette could keep his posture straight. They tried several odd cushions meant to keep Alexander from slouching and when those didn't work, Lafayette suggested a shock bracelet that would buzz every time Alex bent over. After that, Alex stopped asking Lafayette for help.

Alexander made his way down the hallway and to Washington's office, knocking rapidly on the closed double doors until Washington shouted from inside, "For the love of god, Hamilton, come in!"

The doors creaked open and revealed Washington at his desk, scrambling to shut his laptop as Alexander approached his desk. Hm.

"Whatcha doing, Wash?"

"Nothing. Work. It's nothing. Don't call me that." George glared when Alexander started to chuckle.

"Sir, sometimes I wonder how you're the actual President."

"I could have you arrested for saying that."

"Could you though?" Alex quipped, taking a seat across from Washington. "And lose your best journalist? I don't think so."

Washington rolled his eyes and grabbed a stack of papers off his desk to straighten.

"What do you want, Alex?" Alexander grinned and threw his feet up on top of the desk, reclining back in the chair so two of the legs lifted off the ground.

"I was wondering if I could leave work early today, grab drinks with John. Mazel tov and all that." Washington raised an eyebrow and used one hand to shove Alexander's feet off the desk, which proved to be useless as Alex put his feet right back up.

"I'm pretty sure that's definitely the wrong usage of that phrase. And why couldn't you ask Adams? Your supervisor?" Alex wrinkled his nose and made a sour face.

"That pig?!"

"Alexander!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but Adams is the worst!" Alex whined, throwing his head back over the edge of the chair dramatically. "He would never let me leave! He wants everybody to do his work for him. In fact, I'd probably be here until midnight completing all the work he's been putting off this week."

Washington sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Why do you have to be like this?" He groaned. Alexander cracked a smile and shrugged one shoulder.

"It's who I am, dad."

"Okay, back to the point. You can't go out for drinks with John anyway. You've settled down, remember? You're a taken man, Ham." Alexander made another face at that.

"It's not a date, John's my best friend. We're just hanging out." Washington set his stack of papers back down, face down so Alex couldn't see them, much to his dismay, and used two fingers to delicately lift each of Alexander's feet off the table.

"Doesn't matter. What are you going to do after you get drinks? Go dancing? Flirt at the bar?" Alex cringed.

"Please don't say that."

"It's true! And how is that going to look when you're supposed to be going steady with your boyfriend? Cheating is wrong, Alexander." Washington narrowed his eyes and Alex fidgeted in his chair. He knew he was losing this argument.

"But it's not cheating if nobody sees it!"

"Excuse me?! Yes, it is! I swear, sometimes you say things and it's like, what are you thinking?!" Washington threw his hands in the air so he'd look sufficiently fed up with Alex and it worked. Alexander huffed and pursed his lips.

"Whatever! What's your solution, then?"

Washington hummed and swung his computer chair from side to side as he tried to come up with an answer.

"Take Jefferson with you." Alex groaned and stomped his feet on the floor.

"But, sir-"

"Alex." Washington's voice was a warning, Alex knew he was starting to push it. "This will give you and Jefferson a chance to learn how to act around each other before the spotlight is on you."

Alexander took a deep breath and considered that. He knew Washington was right, he and Jefferson would have to learn how to interact with each other without looking unnatural or awkward. They were legally bound to make this relationship seem believable.

"Alright, I'll talk to Jefferson." Washington smiled and gave Alex a double thumbs up, which he returned with an eyeroll.

"That's my boy!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Alexander approached Jefferson's office with a little more confidence than he had several days ago, although his brain still screamed, _"WRONG WRONG THIS IS WRONG"_ about anything regarding his new fake-boyfriend. The door was open again, indicating that Burr was once again out of the office, but this time, Jefferson was unaware of Alexander's presence. Alex stood in the doorway for long enough that Madison looked up from his desk with a confused expression. Alexander, being still and quiet, not trying to sabotage their work environment? It didn't add up for him.

Alex ignored Madison's prying eyes and focused on Jefferson. Jefferson, who was hunched over a journal the same way Hamilton so often was, scribbling words in the same messy way Alexander did when his mind was racing and his pencil couldn't keep up. Alex willingly ignored the unconscious similarities and cleared his throat lightly. Jefferson stopped writing abruptly and jerked his head up, causing his hair to bounce freely in its own gravitational pull. The expression on his face was hard for Alexander to place - somewhere between vulnerable and innocent. Was that the way Jefferson naturally looked, when he wasn't putting on a front for his colleagues? Alex wouldn't be surprised if he never found out. As soon as Jefferson registered who was standing in front of him, it was like clicking to the next slide in a powerpoint. He had the same face, but it was a different him. Jefferson's eyebrows lowered in confusion and he placed his pencil down delicately, closing his journal with the other hand in one smooth motion.

"Hamilton? What brings you here?" Alexander gulped as Jefferson leaned back in his chair. He straightened his spine and stood taller, trying not to look intimidated. (God forbid anybody inform Alexander Hamilton that he had the appearance of a puppy being yelled at 100% of the time.)

Alex opened his mouth to speak and then - wait. What should he say? There was Madison, three feet away, watching this other worldly interaction like a hawk. He probably already had his phone on and ready to text Burr about whatever was about to go down. Should Alex ask to speak to Jefferson privately? That would raise even more suspicion. No, their relationship was about to go public anyway, why not give the people something to talk about before it was official? Alexander took two huge steps forward and settled himself in the chair across from Jefferson. Jefferson raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow and bit the inside of his cheek. Alex could tell by the way his jaw moved.

"Jefferson. John and I are going out for drinks tonight. We were, well, I was wondering if you wanted to join us?"

The calculations started working behind Jefferson's eyes. The gears turned and Alex saw his pupils dilate as Jefferson inconspicuously looked at Madison in his peripheral. When Jefferson focused again on Alexander, they exchanged some weird mental conversation and came to a mutual understanding. Alexander asked Jefferson out in front of their coworker on purpose; this was part of the foreplay, in a way. The whole interaction lasted a portion of a second, not nearly long enough for Jefferson's delayed response to look suspicious.

"I would love to." Jefferson responded with an air of elegance and just the tiniest hint of excitement. Anything more would have been out of character. Alexander lifted one side of his mouth in a smile, the side facing Madison.

"Alright, then it's settled. If you want to finish up here, I'll wait and we can take the bus." Jefferson nodded once in acknowledgement then started organizing the Post Its and loose leaf papers on his desk into something he would be able to make sense of on Monday. Alexander avoided eye contact with Madison, whose jaw had dropped open in shock. After a few seconds, Madison seemed to recover enough to spread the gossip, as he started typing furiously on his phone and continued to type until Jefferson and Alexander left.

The walk to the bus stop was silent, as was the ride, Jefferson and Alexander sitting side by side, knees just an inch away from touching, each of them wondering what they could say without making this feel even more abnormal. Finally, when they reached their stop, Jefferson broke the silence.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Alexander heaved a sigh and stepped onto the platform, the hiss of the bus loud and jarring behind them as it pulled away.

"John's place. He doesn't know I'm bringing you and, well, he doesn't know about our thing yet." Jefferson took the stairs two at a time and Alex raced to beat him to the top. Underground subway stations felt like another universe, which got Alexander thinking about potential universes that could exist where he and Jefferson weren't at odds with each other. He tuned back in to the real world when Jefferson finally replied.

"You haven't told him? And you think the best way to tell him is to bring me over to his place of residence? Seriously, Hamilton, I'm starting to think you have a death wish for both of us."

Alex cackled and adjusted the backpack on his shoulder, the weight of the bag causing him to lose balance and bump shoulders with Jefferson. Jefferson shoved back and stared resolutely forward; Alex could tell he was fighting a smile. With that thought came a realization: this was probably the longest the two of them had even gone without fighting. Alex blinked and Jefferson had to yank him by the arm to keep him from walking into traffic when they approached an intersection. Alexander cleared his throat and pulled his arm out of Jefferson's grip, folding his arms over his chest in his automatic defensive position. Jefferson glanced at him then quickly looked away. Well, so much for that.

By the time they reached John's apartment, the tension was gone again, both Jefferson and Alexander walking in step with each other from the elevator to John's door.

"I thought Laurens came from a family with money. Doesn't he work for Washington, too? Why does he live in an apartment?" Jefferson whispered as if John could hear them and Alex shrugged in response.

"He's humble. Like, ridiculously. He hates to use his dad's money for anything. And he doesn't work for Washington, he works at a restaurant down the street." Jefferson hummed and the two came to a stop in front of a blue door with gold numbers marking it as #42.

Alex reached for the doorbell first but his hand was slapped away by Jefferson's. Alexander retaliated and that led to a full on hand-slapping fight, Alexander fighting to keep the smile off his face. In the end, Alex used his whole body to bump Jefferson away, then knocked quickly on the door before he could recover.

If Alex could have taken a picture of the look on John Laurens' face when he opened the door, he would probably never be depressed again. John threw the door open, grin on his face and eyes shining, then did an actual double take at the sight of Jefferson. His mouth dropped open, much like Madison's had earlier, and he gaped for a good thirty seconds before Alexander snapped him out of it.

"John? John!" John's jaw shut with a click and he blinked furiously, bringing both hands up to rub his eyes.

"Am I dreaming?" He squeaked. Alex sideways glanced at Jefferson, who had at least had the decency to look sheepish, then looked back at John.

"No?" Alex's voice cracked and he felt his face start to get hot, "Can we come in? There's something we have to tell you."

John gave Alexander a wary look before stepping aside to let them in the apartment. It was mostly clean, other than a few old t-shirts draped across the ratty couch and a pile of dishes in the sink. Alexander habitually shouldered off his backpack and hung it on a coat rack next to the door before toeing off his shoes. Jefferson followed Alexander inside and ignored the way John was staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably until Alex elbowed him and crossed the room to throw himself on the couch. Alexander watched as Jefferson sat down slowly on the couch next to him while John perched on the coffee table a couple feet away.

"I feel like I took a nap and woke up in another dimension." John muttered, looking back and forth between Jefferson and Alexander.

"You have no idea," Alex said with a grin, "you're not the one living in it." John seemed to be put at ease with that; he returned Alex's smile and visibly relaxed.

"So, does anybody want to fill me in, here? Why is my best friend at my door with our mortal enemy? No offense, Jefferson."

"Full offense, actually." John cackled and Jefferson glared at Alexander.

"Well, if Hamilton isn't going to take this _seriously_ , then I'll tell you. We are dating." Jefferson said stiffly, his glare only intensifying when Alexander snickered next to him.

"Sorry! It just sounds really funny! We're not dating, John." John heaved a sigh of relief that made Jefferson turn towards him with a scowl. "Washington is making us do this fake dating thing for PR. Jefferson and I suspect that he's up to something, so we made a bet about who can figure it out first. Don't say anything to Washington because you'll blow our cover and I'll never talk to you again. And now that you know that, you have to sign a confidentiality agreement, cus absolutely nobody can know about this. Cool?"

If John was anybody else, he might have been freaked out or overwhelmed, but he was Alexander Hamilton's best friend, so this was almost completely normal. He processed Alex's words for a few seconds then nodded.

"Cool. Does this mean I need to play the part of protective father? Don't touch my son's virginity or YOU DIE!" John shouted, standing up from the coffee table to put his hands on his hips. His oversized tshirt dangled off his shoulders and Jefferson had no idea how seriously he should take that statement. Next to Jefferson, Alex threw his head back on the couch, laughing hysterically.

"Dad! Stop embarrassing me! You know I'm not a virgin!" Alexander said between giggles and desperate breaths of air. John gasped and put a hand over his heart, taking a dramatic, staggering step backwards.

"You're WHAT?!" He shrieked, fixing Alexander with a look of convincing shock. That got Jefferson to break; he smiled and let out a tiny chuckle, which brought all the attention in the room to him. John froze, still in character, and Alexander leaned forward to gape in Jefferson's face.

"Was that.. a laugh? From Thomas Jefferson?" John whispered.

"I've never heard such a strange noise in my life." Alex whispered back.

Jefferson scoffed and shoved Alex away. He stood up and side-stepped John to walk back to the front door.

"I can't deal with this right now. I have no idea what's going on. Can we leave?" John and Alex shared another grin before Alex stood up and the two joined Jefferson at the door. Alex slipped his shoes back on and checked his pockets for his wallet and phone before leading the way out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: (the club from in the heights plays in the background) (it doesn't go exactly like that but they do go to a club)
> 
> i want to hear your thoughts so leave a comment!!!


	4. the club TM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john buys drinks, alex dances then cries, thomas doesnt know what to do with either of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY HECK  
> (my longest yeah boy ever.mp4)
> 
> so MINOR TRIGGER WARNING (no spoilers)
> 
> if you're easily triggered by panic attacks/anxiety attacks, a character experiences a very very minor panic attack due to a past experience that isn't described. this experience will NOT be related to noncon/dubcon whatsoever.
> 
> if you don't feel comfortable reading that, stop at the line ""Because I never know what I'm talking about! Or what's going on around me most of the time!"" and start reading again at ""Alright, let's go.""
> 
> READ THE END NOTES. and enjoy xx

Squeezing into the backseat of a cab with Thomas Jefferson wasn't the way Alexander saw his Friday night going when he woke up this morning. As it was, none of them were brave enough to sit in the passenger seat next to the driver - a balding man smelling vague of cigarette smoke and possibly urine. Alex was shoved into the middle after Jefferson, John ignored his protests and insisted that the smallest person always sits in the middle. Alexander grumbled softly, hyper aware of the way Jefferson's thigh was pressed up against his and how Jefferson was leaning as far into the car door as he could. Alexander didn't know whether to be grateful for the space or insulted that Jefferson hated him that much. Or maybe he should be flattered. Whatever. John rattled off an address to the driver and pestered Alexander into a rock-paper-scissors battle to decide who would pay. It wasn't a fair game, John grew up with like three siblings and knew all the ways to win at rock-paper-scissors, so Alex ended up pulling a crumpled bill out of his pocket as the car jerked to a stop. Their driver was ruthless - he'd been weaving in and out of lanes like a madman even though their destination was no more than ten minutes away.

"Maybe we should walk home." Alex mumbled as the three of them climbed out of the backseat.

"You're nuts if you think your drunk ass is coming back with me." John laughed, "You're not puking on my couch again." Alexander whined and made a move to step on John's foot, though John was quicker and dodged easily.

"That was one time! I had seafood earlier that night, you know shrimp makes my stomach shaky." Alex ignored the way Jefferson was eyeing him and crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. John, unhelpful as always, merely shrugged.

"You make your own choices, buddy." Alex huffed and stomped his way to the entrance of the club, where a middle aged man in a black jacket tried to look intimidating.

"ID?" The man said, holding out his hand. Alexander fished out his wallet and handed his ID over, sending John a look from the corner of his eye. What was this place? Alex stepped past the man and through the door once he got a stamp and was immediately blinded by strobe lights.

"Jesus!" Alex yelped, rubbing his eyes furiously, "It's like, seven o'clock! Can we chill?"

John cackled and slapped a hand on Alex's shoulder, "Since when do you want to chill?!"

"Since I settled down and got a job!" Alex shot back, glaring at John. Jefferson smirked and tapped Alex's arm to get his attention.

"Look." Jefferson said, pointing in the direction of a stage in the center of the room. Alex peered through the lights and inexplicable amount of glitter fluttering in the air to see a tall, lean young man onstage, strolling back and forth in high heels and skimpy clothes.

"John Laurens! Did you bring us to a gay strip club?!" John laughed even harder and waved at a guy at the bar who seemed to recognize him. John pulled Alex across the room, through way too many sweaty bodies, and shoved him into a booth.

"I told you drinks were half off! What kind of place has half off drinks for both men and women?" John had to yell to be heard over the music, which was pounding nicely in Alexander's ears and vibrating through his chest. Alex wasn't about to be distracted, however.

"It's SEVEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT!" Alex shrieked. John's eyes dancing with mirth as another giggle bubbled out of him.

"I'll go get the first round, you guys wait here!" Alex had almost forgotten about their guest until Jefferson slid in the booth across from him. Jefferson smirked when they made eye contact.

"Come here often?" He teased, causing Alexander to scowl. Alex looked Jefferson up and down and his scowl turned into a smirk of his own.

"We forgot to change. You're still in your work clothes." Jefferson looked down at himself as if just coming to the same realization and shrugged.

"At least I have good taste in work clothes." Alexander laughed, but he would never admit that Jefferson was right. He was wearing a more laid-back suit than what Burr wore - it was almost business-casual. As opposed to Alexander, who usually wore plain long sleeve shirts or button ups to work. The first few weeks, he'd come to the White House wearing a graphic t-shirt and jeans until the judgmental looks from every other person caused him to reevaluate his tasteless wardrobe.

"Whatever." Alex mumbled. John returned at that moment with the drinks, and Alex was saved from Jefferson's inquisitive stare.

"Gentlemen! First drinks are on me." John announced, passing two glasses across the table. Alexander's cup had some kind of translucent red liquid paired with a pink-rimmed glass. Alex licked the edge of the cup warily and smacked his lips.

"Pixie stix?" He wondered aloud and John nodded eagerly in response.

"It's some tropical mix. I forget the name. Jefferson has almost the same thing, but his is mixed with lemonade." Alexander hummed and held his drink in the air. John raised his glass and Jefferson blinked at them both before doing the same.

"To me and Jefferson and our new relationship! May we both be alive three months from now!" Alex yelled, clinking his glass to Jefferson's then John's.

"It's 'Jefferson and I'." Jefferson shouted back and Alexander cackled before taking a chug of the fruity concoction. John giggled and gulped his own drink while Jefferson took a dainty sip.

"This is awesome, John." Alex said, slightly less loud now that the song had changed. They could hear each other pretty well in the closeness of the booth, but not hearing an overwhelming amount of bass helped too. John sidled into the booth next to Alexander and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

"Anything for my boo-thang!" John shouted and Alexander flushed.

"How have we had the exact same amount of alcohol in the past two minutes and you're already acting like this?" Alex muttered with a slap to John's thigh. Jefferson chuckled and took another sip of his drink. Alex tried not to look at him.

John and Jefferson chattered mindlessly about how John came to know this club and Alexander listened for about ten seconds before he was off in another world again. He thought about the cab ride with Jefferson and how his leg was still burning from the contact. The close proximity. How were they supposed to pull off actual couple things? Were they going to have to kiss some point? Was that a requirement? Alexander must've missed it on the contract. What if they got recognized by a fan while on a date and the fan wanted to see them kiss? It would have to be believable. No, okay, that situation was probably impossible and never going to happen. But still.

"Hamilton!" Jefferson shouted for the third time. Alexander jumped.

"I don't want to kiss you!" He blurted out. Jefferson quirked an eyebrow while John fell off the booth in hysterical laughter. Alexander ducked his head and clenched his jaw as his face got red yet again.

"That's not what I meant to say, I was just thinking-"

"I asked if you wanted to try my drink. I really wasn't implying anything else." Jefferson said carefully, with no room for misinterpretation in his tone. Alexander coughed into his sleeve as John pulled himself back onto the booth, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Right. Of course." Alex stuttered. John's chest heaved with the effort he was making to calm down, he rested his forehead against Alex's arm and wheezed.

"Alex! I'm going to die!" Alexander groaned and shrugged John off his shoulder.

"Shut up! I was thinking about the thing with Washington!"

"You were thinking about kissing Washington!?" John cried out and Alex swore under his breath. Jefferson was still watching with his stupid calculating expression and pursed lips. Alexander reached across the table and grabbed his drink, bringing it up to his nose to sniff before he took a sip. Jefferson shook his head slowly as Alex hummed in approval.

"Pretty good." Alex said, returning the drink back to the circle of condensation it had made on the table.

"Why are you so strange?" Jefferson asked, but it sounded almost like a statement. John, who finally caught his breath enough to rejoin the conversation, turned his attention to Jefferson.

"I've been asking myself the same thing for years." He said as seriously as he could muster.

"Why am I friends with you?" Alex said, leaning up against the wall pitifully. John reached over and ran his fingers through the greasy curls hanging over Alexander's shoulder.

"Because I buy you drinks and let you sample food at the restaurant." Alexander contemplated that.

"That's true."

Jefferson smirked as John pulled his hand back and acted offended, "Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm going to go dance with another man. Someone who will treat me right." John slid out of the booth and sauntered across the room to the dance floor.

"You have fun with that!" Alex yelled after him before taking another gulp of his drink. When he looked back, Jefferson was watching him.

"Do you want a sip? It's actually pretty good." Jefferson held up a hand and shook his head, curls bouncing in the brightness of an occasional rogue strobe light.

"No thanks, I'm good. John has good taste in drinks." Jefferson lifted his own glass and took another sip - his drink now close to being half gone while Alex's was near the bottom. Alex nodded in understanding.

"I've heard that before. He has a knack for knowing what people need. It's one of the things I love about him." Alex cast a look across the room and automatically found John, dancing on a guy with a girl in front of him. That's how John was, everybody was magnetized to him and his good nature and smiles.

"You like John?" Alex furrowed his eyebrows, still watching them dance.

"Of course!"

"Then why did you agree to do this dating thing?" Alexander whipped around to stare at Jefferson with wide eyes. His hair smacked him in the face and he had to spit a strand out.

"Oh! No, not like that! God, no. John's my best friend. Ride or die, y'know? We're not like that." Jefferson raised his stupid eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! And can you stop doing that weird eyebrow thing?" Jefferson lowered his eyebrow.

"Sorry, it's a reflex. Happens naturally when I talk to you." Alex stuck his tongue out and glared at Jefferson.

"Ha-ha. Aren't you hilarious."

Jefferson smiled, "I am, that's why you agreed to date me."

"Shut up. I'm going to go dance." Alexander announced before downing the rest of his drink. He slipped out of the booth and flipped Jefferson off as he bounced across the room.

It didn't take long to find a guy willing to dance with a clumsy dancer. Alex wasn't sure how much alcohol was in his drink or how fast it was hitting him, but he knew he hadn't eaten dinner and he was already a terrible dancer to begin with. It didn't take long for him to be stumbling, giggling when the guy he was grinding on had to grab him by the arm. Alexander rolled his hips to the beat of the music and caught John's eye from across the dance floor. Alex moved through the crowd of people, abandoning whatever guy he'd been dancing with, and met John halfway.

"Hey, baby!" Alex hooted, letting himself fall into John's waiting arms.

John grinned, "Jefferson's shooting daggers at you over there." Alex furrowed his brow. Who had daggers in this day and age?

"Metaphorical daggers, you idiot!" Oh, he must've said that out loud. John made an incredulous face at him and motioned to their abandoned booth where Jefferson was still sitting. Alex followed his gaze and caught sight of Jefferson, sitting on the edge of his seat and looking definitely pissed. Pissed as in pissed off, not as in drunk.

"What's his problem?" Alex asked and John shrugged.

"You sure this dating thing is fake?" 

Alex scoffed, "Of course! Maybe I should go see what's wrong."

John gave him a helpful push in the general direction of the booth and Alexander made his way over, sitting down across from Jefferson once again. Jefferson glanced at Alex and then back at the group of people in the middle of the room, his expression disgruntled.

"Why are you angry?" Alex said in his best paternal voice. He was here and ready to help the situation.

"You shouldn't be dancing with other guys, we're supposed to be dating." Alex blinked. He decided to never let John order them alcohol again - was Jefferson buzzed? Was it normal for him to be so upfront? Wait, what was Jefferson saying? Washington's stern words from earlier came back to Alex and he gasped.

"Ohhh. You're right. Well, come on, then!" Alexander stood back up and grabbed Jefferson's hand before he could protest. Or, well, he did protest but whatever he said fell on deaf ears. Alex was already pushing through the crowd with Jefferson in tow. He pushed himself up to his tiptoes and did a 360, looking for John. The little minx was back at the bar, leaning across the counter, in the middle of what appeared to be a _very_ engaging conversation with the bartender, a tall black man with a killer smile. Alex grinned as he watched their interaction; at one point John threw his head back in a fit of laughter and the guy couldn't look away. When he sat back up, the bartender slid a drink across the counter and John drank from it without breaking eye contact. Alex shook his head and turned back to Jefferson.

"Remind me to take advantage of John's free drink privileges in a few minutes!" He hollered over the pop song playing through the speakers dispersed around the room. Jefferson chuckled and cocked his head to one side. Alexander started hopping on his toes to the beat and eventually reverted to the dance he was doing earlier, which was just a mixture of swaying his hips from side to side and taking steps forward in what was almost good timing.

"Wait 'til you hear what I'm working on next week!" Alex yelled, maybe just a little too loud even with the music.

"What are you working on?" Jefferson shouted back. He was trying really hard to focus on Alexander's face - even though the buzz from his drink was already wearing off, his vision was still a little shaky. Alex grinned, blinding Jefferson when the light reflected off his teeth, and danced impossibly closer, so that he and Jefferson's hips were just an inch away from touching. Alex suddenly became aware of how he was still holding on to Jefferson's hand. He tugged it and placed Jefferson's sweaty palm on the spot below his ribs.

"I'm interviewing a woman who cleans up murder scenes for a living." He stated - Jefferson was thankful to heaven above that Alex had enough sense not to yell that in the middle of a club.

"And you thought now would be the best time to tell me that?" Jefferson chuckled, almost nervously, and Alex shrugged one shoulder. Jefferson furrowed his brow.

"Remember when you told me the eyebrow thing was weird?" Alex nodded. "Well, why do you shrug so much?"

"Because I never know what I'm talking about! Or what's going on around me most of the time!" Jefferson let go of Alexander's side to grab his own stomach as he stumbled backwards, cackling maniacally. Alex grinned automatically at the sound of Jefferson's laughter before he was hit with a wave of nostalgia. His face dropped. Jefferson was still laughing.

Flashing lights.

Laughter.

A different club.

Or was it the same club?

His hands found Alexander's sides again. Alex flinched and shoved the hands away. When he opened his eyes, when did they close?, Jefferson was watching him with confusion written all over his face.

"Alex?" Alexander's throat closed up. He struggled to pull air into his lungs.

"I gotta go. I need some air. I have to -" Alex turned away from Jefferson and shoved his way through a hoard of sweaty bodies until he miraculously reached a door. He pushed it open to find an outdoor seating area and immediately collapsed onto one of the chairs. It took a few deep breaths to get his heart rate back to normal but the worst had passed.

Alexander breathed slowly and counted to ten in his head. He had no idea what time it was, but the sun had gone down and long since been replaced by the soft light of the moon. This outdoor area was similar to a restaurant with tables outside, there were several tables surrounded by chairs and a couple of benches. A fabric overhang protected the majority of the porch from potential rain and there was a short, decorative metal fence along the edge of the concrete. If Alex leaned over just a little, he could see the moon glowing clearly, just past the edge of the overhang. He smiled at the moon. She never did anything to hurt him.

Alex's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening and the brief, muffled noise of the club. He was afraid to look at who came through the door. With any luck, it would be a clueless couple looking for some place to make out. Alex didn't know which would be worse - two young lovers or Thomas Jefferson. The chair next to him scraped across the concrete and Alex jumped, looking frantically over his shoulder.

"What's going on?" John's voice was soft and it relaxed Alexander instantly. He let out the breath he'd been holding and waited for John to sit down before he answered.

"I don't know. I just got freaked out." John frowned and scooted close to Alex so their chairs were aligned. Alex leaned into John's shoulder and John put an arm around Alex to support his weight.

"Jefferson said you just ran off. Said he didn't know what happened." Alex tried to shake his head but he was inhibited by the way it was resting on John's chest.

"I just remembered - you know. I just got freaked out, that's all." John pressed a kiss to the top of Alex's head and hummed low in his chest.

"That was years ago, Alex. You haven't had an incident in a bar like this forever."

Alex whined. "I know. I don't know why, I was just dancing with Jefferson and I remembered - I don't want to talk about it."

John replaced his lips with his cheek, laying his head on top of Alex's.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have brought you here if I knew -"

"It's not your fault," Alex interrupted before John could make himself feel bad, "it's nobody's fault. Stuff like this just happens. Wait, where's Jefferson?" John shrugged, bouncing Alex with the movement.

"Dunno. He said he was gonna head out so I assume he got a cab home."

Alex groaned, "I don't even have his phone number! What if he's not safe?"

"He'll be alright." John chuckled, "And you're a journalist. Shouldn't be too hard for you to find his number."

"True." Alex hiccuped and - when did he start crying? John rubbed a soothing hand along his arm and Alex took another deep breath. He looked up and counted the stars until his face was dry and he could breathe through his nose again.

"Let's go home." Alex whispered, "To your place. If you can't tell, I'm totally sobered up now." John chuckled and squeezed his shoulder.

"Alright, let's go."

 

When Alex opened his eyes the next morning there was only a faint burning sensation at the back of his throat and his eyes were slightly more itchy than normal. He shifted and blinked slowly, feeling out the area around him. The ceiling was blue. He was laying on a lumpy area that smelled faintly like floral shampoo and someone's cologne - John? Alex sat up slowly and sent up a quick prayer of thanks that his head wasn't pounding. A blurry look around the room confirmed his suspicions. He was in John's living room on his weird dumpster couch. Alex threw his feet over the side of the couch and fought with the sheet holding him hostage for a second before emerging successful. He wrapped the sheet around his shoulders and stood up, wandering across the living room and down the hallway to John's room.

"Joooohn." Alex groaned. He hopped on John's bed and shuffled until he was laying diagonally across the mattress and John's body. John moaned beneath him but whatever sound he was trying to make got muffled by the pillow his face was currently buried in, so it came out more like a growl.

"Did you just fucking growl at me?" Alex used the hand not holding his sheet-cape together to wipe hair out of his face. John growled again and wiggled underneath Alexander.

John lifted his head up from the pillow long enough to whine, "Can you not be yourself this early? I just woke up." Alex scoffed, offended, and did a little body hop just to further irritate his asshole friend.

"Excuse me. You can't ask me not to be this devilishly handsome, it doesn't work like that." John picked his head up again to glare at Alexander.

"Go bother Laf." He grumbled and Alex crinkled his nose before rolling himself to his feet.

"Fine. He appreciates me." Alex whipped his cape around and strode out of the room, ignoring John's halfhearted 'love you!'.

Alexander couldn't always handle Lafayette in the mornings. The man woke up insanely early for no good reason every single day - he attributed his wacky schedule to 'self care' and 'pampering' but Alex's favorite way to pamper himself was to sleep late, so he couldn't relate. Sure enough, when Alex crossed the hallway and pushed Lafayette's door open, he was in the adjoined bathroom scrubbing his face. Lafayette raised one eyebrow at Alexander through the bathroom mirror then continued slathering his cheeks in some gritty white soap.

"Mon petite, you shouldn't come in without warning, what if I was, what is it? You know?" Lafayette's reflection raised both eyebrows this time, then cursed in french when foam dripped onto his eyelashes. Alex grinned and leaned up against the door to Laf's bathroom.

"Yo, John! Laf was jerking off this morning!" Alex shouted while Lafayette rinsed his face off.

"Good to know!" John's voice rang through the hallway, only slightly dulled by the walls in between them. Lafayette patted his face dry with a fluffy white towel that looked like it had never seen a day of work in it's life, then he returned to glaring at Alex in the mirror. Alexander frowned in response and stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

"Nobody loves me!" He bemoaned, "Why is everyone judging me lately?!" Lafayette sighed in a way that made him sound like an exasperated parent. He turned around to face Alex and held his arms out for a hug. Alexander smiled and lunged forward, tucking his face in the crevice of Laf's collarbone.

"You're pathetic, mon petite lion." Alex wiggled his toes and buried his face deeper.

"I know." He mumbled, "But if I'm not, who will be?"

"John would probably be pathetic for eternity if anything ever happened to you." Lafayette said into Alex's hair.

"Hey!" John protested, "I heard that!" Lafayette chuckled and released Alexander so he could continue his morning routine.

"So, what brings you into my room this morning?" Laf chirped in his way-too-awake morning voice. Alexander followed him closely around the room as he picked out various clothing items and changed from silk pajamas into a slightly more normal wardrobe.

"I need the best breakfast making french dude we know. Any ideas?" Alexander's stomach growled as if to punctuate his words.

"Hmmm. I'm not sure. Who did you have in mind?" Lafayette teased. He flitted out of the room and down the hallway in his chipper way and Alex followed, mood even more uplifted thanks to Laf's good attitude.

"I was thinking, hear me out, maybe YOU could make food for this starving orphan kid!" Alex tried to match Lafayette's tone and almost didn't fail. Lafayette paused his rummaging through kitchen cabinets and fixed Alexander with a stare.

"You're almost thirty, Alex."

"Kill my mood, why don't you." Alexander deadpanned right back before they both broke into a fit of giggles.

John decided to re-enter the land of the living right then; he clapped a hand on Alex's back and shoved past him to grab a seat at the kitchen bar.

"Hey, Laf, Alex has some news for you!" John turned to meet Alexander's look with obvious mischief in his eyes. Alex thought about that for a second before realizing he actually did have something to tell Lafayette.

"Oh! He's right! Well, it's a long story, but basically, me and Jefferson are going to fake date each other for three weeks - or is it three months? - for Washington's, like, weird publicity scheme." Alex explained, turning back to Lafayette in time to see him stiffly pull a pan out of the dishwasher.

"Ah. Interesting." Alex frowned.

"Interesting? That's what you have to say about that?" Lafayette turned around and set the pan on the stove. He shrugged with his back to Alex.

"I don't know what you want me to say." Alex shared a look with John, who appeared equally perplexed by Lafayette's reaction. Alex expected him to start laughing or be surprised, at least.

"Be outraged! This is crazy! Me and Jefferson?!" Lafayette cracked a couple eggs while he hummed for a long moment.

"I suppose you're right. This is crazy. Do you even have Thomas's phone number?"

"That's what I said!" John shouted. Alex threw his blanket cape at him.

"Shut up! No, I don't have his number. I don't want it." Alexander stated, walking around John to grab the second seat at the bar. Lafayette clicked his tongue condescendingly and shook his head.

"You can't even get the number of the man you're dating? Sad." John snickered and Alexander kicked at his leg.

"I can get his number! I just don't want to."

"Sure."

Alex sighed and swung his feet back and forth underneath the chair.

"Just make the eggs. We're not paying you to sit around here and gossip." Lafayette finally turned around at that to stick his tongue out at Alex.

"You're not paying me at all! Considering my culinary skills, I probably should be charging you.." Laf mused, smirking when John and Alex both protested. "Then be grateful, you little twerps!" A dish towel magically appeared in Lafayette's hand which he whipped at them, causing John and Alex to both shriek and giggle.

Alex decided he could just stay at John and Lafayette's apartment all weekend and be successfully distracted from his problems.

 

Turns out, Alexander was not going to spend the whole weekend at John and Lafayette's apartment. Lafayette had errands to run and John had a lunch shift at the restaurant - Alex could never remember what it was called. Probably something prestigious and fancy, based on the tips John brought home.

Alexander was hustled out of the apartment by noon but he had no intentions of going home and sulking alone in the silence of his own apartment. He unlocked his cellphone halfway down the elevator and settled for the next best weekend buddy.

"Hercules Mulligan!" Alex boomed when the line picked up. His voice echoed around the empty elevator hauntingly; he made a mental note to never yell in an elevator again.

"What do you want?" Hercules panted for a second then let out a loud grunt. Alexander blinked and stepped off the elevator.

"Please tell me you're not masturbating too." Alex whined, nodding goodbye to the security guard at the door of the apartment complex.

"What? You're masturbating?"

"No, Laf was this morning. I didn't catch him in the act but it was a close call. What about you?" Alex did the mental math and decided he was too lazy and full of scrambled eggs to make the nine block walk to Hercules' apartment. He decided to let his wallet burn a hole through his pants and hailed a taxi instead.

"I'm not masturbating either." Herc said with another grunt, "I'm working out."

"With actual weights?"

"Alexander, as your friend, sometimes I wonder about you." Alex whispered the address to the taxi driver as Hercules spoke, then beamed when the words registered in his brain.

"Thank you!" Alex could almost hear Hercules shaking his head in dismay.

"You never told me why you're calling." Hercules said with a sigh. Alex imagined him sitting down in the middle of the floor, surrounded by unnecessary exercise equipment.

"Oh, yeah! I'm on my way over. Be there in like, five minutes." Herc sighed even louder just to be obnoxious.

"Of course you are. See you soon." The call ended. Alex blinked at his phone for a few seconds before realizing Hercules ended the call on purpose.

Hercules' apartment was nicer than John and Lafayette's somehow. Even though Laf and John came from rich families and Hercules was hella broke, it seemed the world liked to shine down on Herc and give him the nicest of everything. None of the other guys were bothered by it - Hercules deserved to get a super gorgeous studio apartment for way too cheap. He was that kind of guy. Alexander heard rumors that he used to rescue birds and bats as a young teenager, John liked to joke about how Hercules had five or six godkids, and Lafayette's parents asked Herc to marry into the family quite a few times. According to Laf, his parents started every phone call asking about Hercules. The man was a sun in this world of darkness.

Alex nodded hello to the doorman and shuffled awkwardly across the lobby. He always felt like he didn't quite belong in Herc's apartment building, probably since he was brought up in near poverty himself. Alex had vivid memories of he and his mother huddled around a radio in their one bedroom apartment, munching on peanut butter and jelly for two meals a day. His mother was an immigrant who moved to New York from Puerto Rico when she got pregnant with Alex. He viewed her as a goddess.

The elevator dinged when Alex reached the fourth floor, the sudden noise making him jump. Were elevators always supposed to make that noise? He couldn't remember if the elevator to John's apartment did that. And Alexander's apartment complex was different, his front door was outside and up a flight of stairs. Lafayette tried to tell him it was good exercise to go up and down those stupid stairs every day but Alex didn't care about exercise. The only thing those stairs were good for was providing a decent excuse for Alex to spend too many nights at his friends' apartments.

Alex twisted the doorknob and pushed, making a pleased noise when the door opened easily. Either Hercules unlocked the front door for him or he didn't care about his apartment getting broken into. Probably a mixture of both; anybody who tried to break into Herc's apartment would come to regret it very soon.

Alex followed the sound of clanging metal and occasional grunts to the spare room, where Hercules was laying across some metal platform Alex didn't know the name of, pushing a bar up and down like it weighed as much as Alex. Which it probably did. Hercules could launch Alex's tiny body across the room easily.

"I'm here!" Alexander announced, dumping his backpack on the floor and scouring the room for a non-exercise equipment place to sit. He decided the floor was the only safe option.

"You're here!" Herc called back. He returned the bar to its original position and groaned as he sat up. Alex wrinkled his nose at the sheen of sweat covering Hercules' whole body, soaking through his tank top.

"You're nasty." He commented as Herc took a swig from a water bottle.

"Sweating is good for you. It's cleansing for the body." Herc stood up and crossed the room to switch off the speakers against the wall. Alex hadn't noticed them and he definitely didn't notice the hum of music before Hercules muted it. One of the struggles of permanently being lost in his own world. Hercules walked (read: limped) over to Alex and sat on the floor with him.

"How's life, man?" Hercules said, peering at Alex with those all-knowing dark eyes. Alex swore Herc could see straight through your soul. He shrugged and looked away as Herc studied his face.

"Dunno. Pretty good, I guess." Alex perked up and looked back at Herc as he remembered an exciting piece of news: "I have an awesome interview this week! I met a lady who cleans up murder scenes for a living!" Herc's eyebrows shot up and he ooh-ed.

"Whaaat? How do you find these people?"

"I met her at the store, she was buying thirty gallons of bleach. Thirty gallons!" Alex let his eyes go wide for emphasis and it worked - Hercules threw his head back and cackled.

"Of course she was! Next thing you know, you two are gonna be getting married. Truly a match made in heaven." Alex groaned and rocked backwards so he was laying flat on the floor. His head knocked against a metal pole and he cursed.

"What is it with everybody and relationships? I can't go anywhere without hearing something about boyfriends or wives or dating or whatever." Alex stared at the ceiling while he complained and tried to count the little bumps even though he could barely see them. Oh, shit, did he take his contacts out? Alex shifted his gaze experimentally and winced at the feeling of the old contact still on his eye. He was suddenly way too aware of his face so he focused back on Hercules in an attempt to forget again.

"It was just a joke, sorry. You don't have to marry her. What are you talking about?" Hercules scooted a couple inches to the side so he could look down at Alexander's face.

Alex gagged, "Please don't drip your sweat on me, oh my god."

"Tell me your problems." Hercules insisted with a grin.

"Ugh. Washington gave me an assignment at work. I have to pretend to be in a relationship with Thomas Jefferson for a couple months. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, it sucks. No, I don't know why I'm doing this or why Washington wants me to do it in the first place."

Hercules was silent for a minute as he thought about Alex's onslaught of words.

"O-kay. That is a little crazy."

"A little!?" Alex shrieked, "It's insane! I should have never agreed to this. It's too late now, I signed a contract. Oh, god, and then last night at the club, when I freaked out on Jefferson and then he left. It's all hecked up now." He finished his rant and stomped his feet on the floor for good measure. Hercules remained a silent witness. Until.

"Do you even have his phone number?" Alex groaned, long and dramatic, for about ten seconds.

"Is everybody conspiring against me?! Do you all have a hive mind I don't know about?"

Hercules blinked slowly, sweat dripping down his eyelashes and onto his cheekbone.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Alex sighed and sat up, scooting further away from Hercules to avoid getting dripped on.

"You're like the fifth person to ask me if I have Jefferson's number. That can't be a coincidence."

"Then maybe it means something." Hercules said slowly in the calm, patient, low voice he saved for panicking animals and crying babies. Alex was annoyed that he was the recipient, but the voice never failed before, and after a second or two, he felt strangely reassured.

"Alright. I guess I'll get his phone number from Washington." Alex crawled across the floor and grabbed his abandoned backpack. After a moment of rummaging, he found his phone and pressed the home button. He had a notification for one new text.

12:49pm Unknown Number: Hey Ham this is Jefferson. I got ur # from Wash

Alex gaped and turned the phone towards Hercules so he could read.

"I'm starting to think maybe my life really is an episode of the Kardashians."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder i live for feedback of any kind so hit me the fuck up homies
> 
> SO i worked so much this week and slept SO LITTLE and still managed to write a 6k chapter??? who am i
> 
> unfortunately, monday's chapter will probably be extremely lackluster compared to this. i'm even considering a short text exchange to hold you guys over until i can provide more quality content. if you follow me on tumblr you'll see updates on that! who knows, maybe tomorrow ill write 5k before work idk
> 
> i feel like i had more to say but i forgot
> 
> let me know ur favorite line or moment from this chapter becauseee i have some favorites
> 
> if you see any inconsistencies or mistakes please let me know! i'm not even kidding when i say almost every word of this was written after midnight while half asleep and running on 5 hours of sleep and 12 hours of work.


	5. shower thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex and jefferson text, alex finally takes a fucking shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight trigger warning in this chapter too, since sandra's job involves death you can assume anytime we hear about her it will involve brief mentions of death and/or suicide but never in detail.
> 
> this chapter comes to kind of a sudden stop and i apologize for that! dont worry tho because the next chapter will finally have alex and thomas doing couple-y things and it only gets worse from there

1:00pm Unknown Number: what do u want

1:01pm tjeffs: Who is this

1:02pm Unknown Number: YOU TEXTED ME FIRST YOU PRICK

1:02pm tjeffs: OH hamilton

1:02pm hamilton: yes

1:03pm hamilton: what'd you save me in your phone as

1:03pm tjeffs: "hamilton"

1:03pm hamilton: god i hate you

1:04pm tjeffs: The feeling is mutual.

1:05pm hamilton: can you stop typing like a prick

1:05pm tjeffs: depends

1:05pm tjeffs: can you stop calling me a prick

1:06pm hamilton: i don't have to you already stopped typing like one

1:06pm tjeffs: FUCK

1:06pm hamilton: HA OUTWITTED AGAIN

1:07pm tjeffs: that's it.

1:07pm hamilton: ??? what are you going to do

1:08pm tjeffs: dont worry about it

1:08pm #1 asshole: ok

1:08pm #1 asshole: why are you texting me

1:10pm tjeffs: im starting to think you do stuff like this just because you want me to remind you about the dating thing. 

1:10pm #1 asshole: gross

1:11pm tjeffs: okay so 

1:11pm tjeffs: update me

1:11pm tjeffs: what information do you have on Operation Figure It The Fuck Out

1:12pm #1 asshole: um

1:12pm #1 asshole: wtf is that

1:13pm tjeffs: u know... figure out what washingtons doing

1:13pm #1 asshole: you thought an appropriate name for that would be 'operation figure it the fuck out'

1:14pm tjeffs: we can call it o:fitfo for short

1:15pm #1 asshole: jefferson you really have some terrible ideas but this might be one of the worst

1:15pm #1 asshole: who knew you were so bad at naming things god forbid you ever have a fucking child

1:16pm tjeffs: IT"S CLEVER

1:16pm #1 asshole: NO ITS NOT

1:16pm #1 asshole: oh my gooooood i hate you

1:17pm tjeffs: YOU hate ME?? YOU'RE THE ONE INSULTING ME

1:17pm #1 asshole: CALM DOWN

1:17pm tjeffs: YOU CALM DOWN

1:17pm #1 asshole: DONT TELL ME T-

 

Alex's phone was wrenched out of his hand mid-reply.

"Hey!" he snapped, jerking his head up to glare at the hand now holding his phone. Hercules stared back at him.

"You were holding the phone so tight, your fingers were white. I thought you were going to break it." Herc explained before slipping the phone in his pocket. It had taken Hercules five minutes to convince Alex to text Jefferson back, then he took a fifteen minute shower, got dressed, and came back to the guest room in time to see Alex fuming. "How long did it take you to start fighting with him??"

Alex shrugged, "Maybe five minutes?" Hercules pulled the phone out of his pocket, glanced at the screen, then sighed and put it back.

"Three texts. You started fighting after three texts. I can't believe you." Alex scoffed as Herc started to walk away.

"He started it!"

"Actually, you started it." Alex huffed and followed Hercules out of the room and to the kitchen.

"He was being annoying."

Herc shook his head, "I don't want to hear about being annoying from you, Alexander Hamilton." He grabbed a banana from a bowl on the kitchen counter and started peeling it. "Hungry?"

Alexander scowled, "No. And my annoying is endearing! His annoying is.. annoying. Because he sucks."

Hercules started to chuckle as he peeled the banana, which only served to irritate Alex more.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm just thinking about how you're technically dating Jefferson and you can't even have one text conversation without fighting!" Hercules took a bite of the banana and grinned at Alexander with his mouth full. Alex fought a smile and the urge to take the banana and smash it on Herc's dumb, beautiful face.

"It's not easy but we make it work."

"You sound like the intro to a TLC tv show."

"That's because I'm pretty sure I ripped that line straight off of Jon and Kate Plus Eight." Hercules snorted at that, then gagged on the banana still in his mouth, sending Alexander into a fit of giggles. Herc swallowed his food with only minor difficulty and joined in on the laughter.

"Everybody knows Kate was batshit crazy."

"Hey!" Alex gasped, "She wasn't unreasonable! Jon was a deadbeat dad!"

"Of _course_ you would side with Kate. Why am I even surprised?" Hercules shook his head and gave Alex a judging look.

"She loves her kids!" Alex protested.

"Yeah, well, so do I, so why don't you go take a shower? You look like a hot mess." Alex gasped at Herc's commentary, but after looking down at himself and taking an experimental sniff, he had to admit Herc was right. He was still in his work clothes and long sleeves mixed with sweat and alcohol did not make a good combination. When Alex looked back up, Hercules was giving him a once-over with a solemn shake of his head.

"You can borrow a shirt and some sweatpants out of my room. I'm going to chill and watch Impractical Jokers. Yell if you need anything and don't jerk off in my shower." Alex gave Hercules a thumbs up and they went their separate ways; Herc throwing himself across the couch to watch his show, and Alex going back down the hallway to raid his closet.

Alexander secretly loved wearing Herc's clothes. Hercules was a good three sized bigger than himself, so Alex drowned in all his shirts. He found a pile of clean clothes on one side of Herc's bed and sifted through it until he found his personal favorite - a shirt from when Hercules was a counselor at a musical summer camp. Hercules had many gifts and one of them was being an incredible singer - his deep voice singing a slow Michael Jackson song had the power to put Alex to sleep instantly. The shirt Alex loved was purple and had black music notes in random places in addition to big, blocky letters on the back that said: "HERCULES" The shirt was soft and worn from years of washing, the collar was starting to fray on one side and there was a hole in the seam where the sleeve connected to the shoulder. Alexander loved it. He found a pair of grey sweatpants and a towel, then moved on into the bathroom.

The mirror in the bathroom was still covered in steam from Herc's shower; the air was humid and warm and smelled like shaving cream mixed with coconut oil. Alex felt his spine relax as soon as he walked in. He turned the shower on and laid his clothes across the counter before stripping and stepping under the hot stream of water. Alex let the heat pound on his back for a minute before he began scrubbing the events of last night off his skin. He scrubbed his scalp well with Herc's moisturizing shampoo and used a tiny amount of conditioner on the ends of his permanently-greasy hair. Alex covered his body in suds, then turned so he was facing the showerhead and rinsed his mouth out. He remembered the taste of the drink he'd had last night and decided the mini panic attack was worth it. He'd have to see if he could convince John to take him back to that club. Though, John might not need much convincing if the way he was smiling at that bartender was any indication.

Alexander finished up in the shower in record time - he was anxious to get his phone back - and slipped on Herc's shirt and pants. The shirt hung off his shoulders and showed a little bit of his chest and significantly brightened Alex's mood. He skipped into the living room, where Herc was still lounging, watching some comedy show on his flat screen tv. Again, how Hercules acquired such nice things when he made less money than Alex's broke ass, nobody knew. Alexander was pretty sure most of Herc's income was from his impeccable dress making skills.

"Can I have my phone back now?" Hercules reached in his pocket and tossed Alex's phone without looking away from the tv. Alex just barely caught it. He swiped across the screen to unlock it, then plopped down on the couch on top of Herc's legs. Hercules whined and scooted his legs out from under Alex's ass. Alexander grunted as Herc's giant thighs landed on his lap.

5 Unread Messages

1:18pm jefferson: hello  
1:20pm jefferson: wtf hamilton  
1:21pm jefferson: STOP IGNORING ME  
1:23pm jefferson: oh my god you are a child

2:03pm SANDRA: Alex! Short notice, sorry, but if you want to grab a late lunch today we can! :)

Alex grinned at his phone screen and, after shooting off a middle finger emoji to Jefferson, sent Sandra a text back.

2:05pm Alexander: Hey Sandra! I can totally do lunch today!!! Just give me a time and a place

And just like that, he was in for what might be the biggest story of his career. Alexander had read thousands of pages' worth of articles and unique news stories, but he'd never heard of something like this before. Once he and Sandra organized their lunch - lunch at RugglesGreen in 30 minutes - Alex explained the situation to Hercules, collected his things, and arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early. He spent the first five minutes stressing over whether or not he should order his salad or wait for Sandra and the second five minutes talking rapidly to the girl at the counter.

When Sandra finally arrived, not a minute later than their agreed time, the air in the room shifted. Alexander felt it before he heard the ding of the door opening, before he felt the gust of wind from outside and before he turned to look at her. He stiffened, then pushed down the excitement brewing in his chest and whipped around to face Sandra. She was immaculately dressed in a flowing blue gown - Alex couldn't call an outfit that elegant and chic something as simple as a dress - and large hoop earrings. Her hair was tied up in a bun and her nails were long and sharp, painted blue to match her clothes. She stood a good two heads taller than Alex in leather boots that clicked when she walked. She smiled broadly, teeth showing through her bright red lips, and strolled up to Alex, offering him a hand to shake. Alexander felt a little starstruck, like he was meeting a celebrity or possibly a model. He smiled dazedly up at her and took her hand, which she shook gently.

"Alexander Hamilton!" Sandra said warmly, as if she was greeting an old friend.

"Miss Sandra, thank you so much for meeting me!" Alex tried to silence his enthusiasm but it was almost impossible. When Sandra giggled, it sounded like windchimes tinkling.

"The pleasure's all mine! And please, just call me Sandra. I promise I don't bite." And then another one of those saucy winks. Alexander was hooked.

"Okay, sure, whatever you say, Sandra! Should we order? I think I want the chicken parm..." Sandra released Alex's hand - and, oh, shit, he probably held onto her for way too long - and shook her head politely.

"You get whatever you want, darling." Her accent came through strongly on the word 'darling' and Alexander swooned. He tried to place the accent since he couldn't remember if she'd said where she was from, maybe New Zealand? "I have a doctor's appointment after this so I can't eat."

Alex frowned and hesitated, glancing at the waitress again. "Are you sure? We can just sit and talk if you want."

"No, please, I invited you here to eat! I'll take care of your meal." She turned to the lady at the counter and smiled her award-winning smile again. "He'll have the chicken parm, thank you so much." Alex protested weakly but he was secretly pleased. His paycheck was enough, but he could do without paying for a $12 salad and tip. Sandra handed over her card then accepted the receipt before leading Alex back outside to a small table. He pulled out her chair politely, slung his backpack over the chair across from her, then sat down.

"So, do you want to describe your regular workday to me?" Alex started, pulling a notebook and pencil from his handy backpack.

Sandra giggled, "My workday is SO far from what you would call normal."

She then delved deeper into what it took to be a unique cleaner - she got called to clean up suicide scenes, murder scenes, houses where the owner was a hoarder and needed the help desperately. She'd seen it all, and her health was paying the price. Sandra explained how she developed lung problems thanks to twenty-something years of working with harsh chemicals. Alex hung on her every word and tried to make his notes light, but he ended up writing down almost every single word she'd said. At one point, Sandra had to stop talking for a good five minutes just to get Alex to eat his salad. He hadn't even realized it arrived. When he took a bite, the chicken was cold. They sat and talked for almost three hours - Sandra had to excuse herself close to six because of her doctor's appointment.

"But we'll talk again later this week!" She promised, kissing Alexander on the cheek and pretty much making all his problems go away for the time being. That night, Alex slept more soundly than he had in months.

The rest of the weekend passed quickly, without Alexander hearing from Jefferson or Washington, so when he arrived at work on Monday, he was already suspicious. Sure enough, a few hours into the workday (every moment spent avoiding John Adams), Washington sent for Alex to come to his office. Alexander entered slowly to see Washington sitting at his desk, glued to his phone.

"Sir?" Washington looked up as if surprised, even though he called for Alex in the first place, and hurriedly turned off his phone.

"Ah, yes, come in, Hamilton." Alexander took a seat and gave the president a nervous look.

"What's this about?"

Washington sighed deeply and Alex got the feeling he was trying to act disappointed.

"I heard about what happened Friday night." Alex paled and mentally cursed Jefferson. He should've known the man was still out to get him, even though they were supposed to get along for the next few months. Damn.

"Sir, it's not what you think. I swear, I'll wring Jefferson by his damn neck -"

"Actually, Mr Laurens and I had a chat."

Alex blinked.

"John?"

"Yes," Washington said, folding his hands in his lap, "John mentioned that you had an incident at the bar and explained the situation to me." Alex was hardly paying attention, too distracted by the fact that Jefferson hadn't ratted him out. Alexander ran away at a club with no explanation, and Jefferson didn't use it to try and sabotage him by telling Washington.

"Alex, are you listening?" Alex jumped in his seat and let his eyes refocus on Washington.

"Yes sir! No sir. What did you say?"

Washington sighed again, "I said, why didn't you tell me you had a bad experience at a club?"

Alex blanched, "John told you about that?!"

"Not really. He said something happened but he wouldn't tell me what. So don't go chewing him out for trying to help. He also contacted me because he needed to sign the confidentiality agreement. Because you told him about you and Jefferson. Without alerting me first!" Washington finished with as much of a flourish as Alex had ever seen from him; just a little extra color in his face and a slightly louder volume.

"Sorry, sir. It won't happen again. But I did also tell Lafayette and Hercules." Washington groaned and rested his head in one hand.

"Alexander. Honestly."

"I'm trying my best! I got distracted with work."

"Okay, okay. Back to the point. I appreciate you trying to make it work with Jefferson on your own, but we have some scheduled 'dates' for you now. Straight from PR." Washington used his hands to make air quotations around the word 'dates', but Alex was starting to get used to relationship words being thrown around. He pictured himself introducing Jefferson to a stranger as his boyfriend and almost gagged.

"Like when?"

"Tonight. After work." Alexander groaned and Washington shot him a glare. "You're going to go and a date and you're going to be happy about it!" Washington said sternly. Alexander chuckled despite his reluctance to follow instructions.

"I can't believe I live in a world where the President just said those words to me."

Washington cracked a smile, "That's what she said."

"Ew! Gross, man!" Alex winced and tried not to imagine the President of the United States saying that in bed. It was pretty horrifying.

"Get back to work, Alexander. I'll send someone with more details on your dinner date later." 

So Alex went back to work. He pieced together the parts of Sandra's story he'd written down at lunch and started organizing the article. By the time he had the first draft of an outline done, it was already nearing six o'clock. True to his word, Washington sent an intern to Alex's office with a bright yellow Post-It note which had the sloppy writing of the President all over it.

"Pappadeaux  
7pm wear ur work clothes  
thomas has the address ride w him"

Alex thanked the intern and balled up the Post-It, setting it aside on his desk to use as future ammo, should Burr ever step foot in his office.

 

5:56pm chatterbox: u couldnt have just texted me that?  
5:58pm gwash: o yeah


	6. alex and thomas break into the oval office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly what the chapter title suggests + the fic title becomes more true than ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: towards the end of this chapter, there is a brief (two line) description of sexual assault (groping). if this is a trigger for you, that part is separated by these marks "--" and "--".
> 
> a lot happens in this chapter and it really gets the ball rolling for the rest of the story so i'm excited! let me know your thoughts!
> 
> i am in a small town visiting family until sunday with no wifi (had to travel to post this) and barely any phone service so that's why i'm behind answering comments! sorry!

Alexander had never taken a walk of shame, but he was pretty sure the feeling of walking to Jefferson's office was somewhat the same. He still felt like he was slightly misplaced in his own life. As Alex approached the door, he realized something was off. The door was closed and the blinds were drawn. That could mean one of several things. One, the obvious, Burr was finally back in the office and his spidey-senses detected Alex approaching, so he shut the door. Two, Jefferson was out of the office and Madison was in. When Mads really needed to get work done, he shut the door because he worked better without feeling like people could be watching him. Madison really was a nervous individual. Three - was there another possible outcome? Say, Jefferson was in the office and he wanted to keep Alex out? Oh, fuck it. Alex knocked on the door three times in quick succession before immediately taking a step back and wincing. If Burr answered the door, he was screwed. Alexander waited. He counted to thirty in his head, then counted ten more for good measure. He frowned at the silence and knocked again, three more times. There was a noise like a whoosh of air from inside the office.

"Come in!" Jefferson's voice was choked off and strange and didn't do anything to put Alexander at ease. He cracked the door cautiously and poked his head in. The room was dark, save for a lamp on Madison's desk, casting dark shadows across Jefferson's skin. He was leaning back in his chair, one hand gripping the edge of the desk and the other hand buried in the hair on top of his head.

"Jefferson? What're you doing? We have a date in, like, thirty minutes." Alexander opened the door further and stepped inside. He studied Jefferson's face, which was wrinkled on one side like he'd been laying on a wrinkled pillow. His eyes were heavy and dark underneath and - oh.

"Were you sleeping?" Alex asked, fighting the way his voice tried to go up in pitch and volume. Jefferson groaned and rubbed his face with both hands.

"No. Yes. Maybe." Alexander inhaled slowly through his nose.

"You were sleeping. Knowing we had somewhere to be at 7pm."

Jefferson winced. "Yes?" he answered in a voice that was almost timid. He rubbed the corner of one eye and blinked slowly. Alex suspected he might not be fully awake. He sighed and walked across the room to round the corner of Jefferson's desk. Jefferson frowned.

"What are you - hey!" Jefferson spluttered as Alexander took him by the arm and lifted. He tried to go with Alexander, but the weight of his body was still heavy from sleep and he stumbled, catching himself on the corner of the desk.

"Let me go!" Jefferson protested, trying to yank his arm away from Alex, "I'm a grown man! I can stand up by myself!" Alexander continued to pull Jefferson's arm childishly and didn't relent until Jefferson took two shaky steps away from the desk.

"Wake! Up! Asshole!" Alex punctuated each word with a yank on Jefferson's arm and Jefferson growled in response.

"I'm awake!" He snapped, finally freeing his arm from Alex's grip. Jefferson huffed and pulled his wrinkled shirt down before adjusting his pants. Alexander watched his movements with a furrowed brow, then looked back up at Jefferson, who was refusing to make eye contact. Jefferson was biting the inside of his cheek again (Alex could tell by the way his skin was pinched at the corner of his mouth) and his cheeks were dark and rosy.

"Oh. _Oh._ " Alex murmured, taking a step back.

"Can we just leave already?" Jefferson said lowly. He rolled his shoulders and took a more solid step forward, leading the way out of the office. Alex followed him silently and tried to avoid taking a peek at his crotch.

They made it halfway down the hall before Jefferson paused and turned back around, facing Alexander for the first time.

"I forgot my stuff." Alexander tried not to imagine what hidden meaning that could have and instead, focused on the specks of dark brown around Jefferson's wide pupils.

"If you're trying to go back so you can jerk off, let me know and I'll leave you alone, but if not, I have a key to the office. We can just come back by later." Jefferson blinked, breaking Alexander's focus point.

"Washington gave you a key to the _White House_?!" Jefferson squeaked and Alex hoped for a second that he was jealous.

"Not.. exactly." Alex looked down sheepishly, then remembered Jefferson's _situation_ and quickly looked back up. Jefferson was standing close enough that their shoes were almost touching and neither of them had made a move to get further apart. Alexander thought he should probably fix that, but he was distracted by the way Jefferson's face looked so soft and pliable, like someone could just squish his cheeks or his nose like playdough. Okay, what the fuck. Alex clenched his jaw and chased away those disturbing thoughts by focusing on the dark freckle on the side of Jefferson's nose.

"Are you going to elaborate on that?" Jefferson said airily, raising an eyebrow.

"No?" Now it was Alexander's turn to squeak. He licked his lips nervously and avoided making eye contact with Jefferson.

"Okay. Then I'm going to assume you're breaking into the White House and report you. You're making it way too easy to take Adams' position, Hamilton." Jefferson's tone was lighter than Alexander expected and it threw him off until his brain registered Jefferson's words. Alexander frowned and opened his mouth to speak.

"I-"

"Chill, Hamilton. I'm not going to report you." Jefferson actually grinned at that and Alexander found himself looking straight through his canines. He'd been wishing to be taller than Jefferson for two years but he never wanted it more than he did now. Wait. Was Jefferson.. teasing him? Alexander gave Jefferson potential criminal evidence to be used against him and he wasn't going to take the bait? Of course not, Alex's mind protested, he didn't even tell Washington about the drama at the club. And, oh yeah, Alex forgot about that can of worms. He had half a mind to confront Jefferson about it now, but when Alexander refocused again on Jefferson's face, there was something new and indiscernible in his eyes that Alex had a hard time making out in the darkness of the empty office. Jefferson blinked and his smile fell. He stayed frozen for a second before turning back around and walking the rest of the way down the hallway.

"Come on, Ham!" Jefferson called behind him, "I'm just going to hope you're telling the truth and we can get back in later." Alex stared for a moment, then shook his head and jogged to catch up with Jefferson.

Whatever weird, angry tension was between them at the office calmed down, once again, on the ride to Pappadeaux. Apparently, public transit had the power to make even the most hated of enemies act acceptable. Jefferson didn't make any snarky remarks for the whole ride, which Alex was thankful for because he was still so thrown off by everything, he didn't know if he could come up with a response. He did, however, steal a glance at Jefferson's groin when they sat down next to each other, but it appeared that Jefferson's sleep boner cleared itself up by the time they got to the bus stop.

They were only an hour late to the restaurant, which Alex got an angry text from Washington about, but it didn't matter. It should probably be alarming that Washington knew exactly when Jefferson and Alex arrived, but Alex wasn't too phased. He figured Washington probably had a rat somewhere spying on them. They had reservations made, so once Jefferson gave the hostess his name, they were guided to a comfortable table directly in the middle of the full room. Alex pulled out Jefferson's chair for him and received a weird look, to which Alexander glared back and tried to communicate that, hello, this is supposed to be a date.

The hostess handed them menus, took their drink orders (a glass of chardonnay for Jefferson, the bastard, and a water for Alex), then left, leaving Alex and Jefferson alone again. Well, as alone as they could be in the middle of a room full of chattering people. Alex watched as Jefferson folded his napkin over his lap carefully, with the precision of someone who was definitely raised to use manners or receive a slap on the hand.

"So." Alex began, locking eyes with Jefferson from across the table. "How's the weather?" Jefferson grinned open and easy, causing Alexander's jaw to drop. He'd never gotten a smile that big out of Jefferson without working for it. Or getting hurt. Jefferson smiled a lot when Alex was in pain.

"You're always joking!" Jefferson exclaimed lightly, resting his cheek delicately on one hand as he smiled and fluttered his eyelashes. Alex's stomach swooped uncomfortably and he shifted in his seat. He cleared his throat and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. When he looked back at Jefferson, he was still watching Alex, but there was something there. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Alex leaned forward and studied Jefferson's face.

"To your left," Jefferson whispered as Alex got closer, "White guy with a camera. Don't be obvious." Alex blinked slowly and used his peripheral vision to catch a glimpse of the man Jefferson was talking about. Sure enough, about three tables away, a bald white man was very discreetly pointing a camera in their direction. "Laugh at what I'm saying." Alex tuned back in and looked back at Jefferson. "Make it look like we're having a great time."

Alex swallowed his nerves and let himself pretend. He opened his mouth in a grin and leaned back in his chair like Jefferson made a joke. Jefferson returned his smile and leaned forward on both elbows. Alex cackled and watched Jefferson's eyes crinkle up in genuine amusement. 

"Alright, don't push it." Jefferson said in his normal tone of voice. Alex grinned wickedly.

"That's what she said."

Jefferson made an offended noise in the back of his throat and smacked one hand on the table. "We are in a professional establishment!" Which only caused Alexander to cackle harder, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes.

"This is," Alex wheezed, "so stupid!" Jefferson cracked another smile at that and accepted his drink from the waiter.

"To stupidity!" Jefferson toasted, raising his glass in the air. Alex copied him with his cup of water and wiped a tear off his cheek.

"To the President!" He crowed. Jefferson doubled over and laughed, a real, genuine laugh, and Alex leaned forward to watch him. He doubted he would ever make Jefferson laugh like that again, but then again, hadn't he thought the same thing at the club? He didn't have time to think about it any longer because Jefferson was taking a sip of his drink and making direct, electric eye contact with Alex again. This time, there was a sparkle hiding behind the glaze of conversation and wine.

"So." Jefferson began, mimicking Alexander from earlier. Alex blinked and took a sip of his water for lack of anything better to occupy him.

"So?"

Jefferson smirked, "Project Figure It The Fuck Out."

"Project Fuck Thomas Jefferson." Alex muttered under his breath, causing Jefferson to raise an eyebrow. Alex realized the double meaning just a second too late and he flushed, avoiding Jefferson's gaze.

"As I was saying. I have an idea of what he might be up to." Now he had Alex's full attention. Alexander leaned forward again, completely alert, and rested his elbows on the table. Once he saw that Alex was listening, Jefferson continued.

"Okay, have you noticed Washington's been on his phone a lot? Like, he was practically glued to the thing today." Alex thought back on the day's events, how the president kept glancing at his phone during their morning meeting, how he saw Washington through the break room window chattering away for a good thirty minutes during lunch.

Alex frowned. "Yeah? What's your point?"

"I think," Jefferson paused for dramatic effect, "He got a girl knocked up." Alexander simultaneously gaped and choked, almost biting his tongue in the process.

"You're out of your mind."

"No, listen!" Jefferson protested, glaring when Alexander shushed him for his loud volume. "Say he did and now she's in labor. Or at least close to her due date. That would be a reason for him to be on the phone a lot. And that would also explain.. this whole thing." Jefferson paused again to gesture wildly between them, "It might be easier to cover up an illegitimate child with a dramatic office romance."

Alexander considered that, giving Jefferson the benefit of the doubt in case he was actually onto something.

"Okay. Well, if Washington got someone pregnant and they're having the baby soon, that means Washington would have had to get freaky," Jefferson cringed, "nine months ago. What was Washington doing then?" Jefferson opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by their waiter.

"Hello, gentlemen! What can I get for you?"

"The shrimp and fondue, please." Jefferson said without looking up, his gaze still fixed on Alexander. He hadn't even picked up the menu. And, oh, shit, neither had Alex.

"Um. I'm sorry, I haven't really, um." Alex flipped his menu open and searched desperately for something he recognized, "I'll have... the grilled cheese?"

"From the children's menu, sir?"

Jefferson snickered and Alex kicked him under the table.

"Oh, well-"

"He'll have what I'm having." Alexander looked up at the smooth sound of Jefferson's voice, his tone completely changed from when they were gossiping earlier.

"But-"

Jefferson cut him off yet again, "Just trust me. Thank you." He directed the last statement towards the waiter, who scooped up both their menus and bustled away.

"If you keep interrupting me, it's going to cause some serious issues in our relationship." Alex said flatly. Jefferson smiled into his chardonnay and rubbed a finger absentmindedly along the glass.

"Where were we?" Jefferson murmured and Alexander honestly couldn't remember. He blinked, then shrugged, then it hit him.

"Oh! What was Washington doing nine months ago?" He stopped to think for a moment, counting back the months. April, March.... July? Last July? Alexander's head shot up at the same time as Jefferson's.

"Summer vacation." They said together. Alexander's hand flew up to cover his mouth and Jefferson swallowed loudly. Washington had taken a week long vacation last July, near the end of the month. He'd flown overseas, Alex couldn't remember where, his brain was yelling a ton of unnecessary information about babies and childcare at the moment, but the point was - if Washington got laid on vacation, then..

"Holy shit. The president's about to be a father." Jefferson voiced Alexander's thoughts and they shared a look. Suddenly, Alex didn't have much of an appetite.

They ended up trying to eat dinner at the restaurant anyway, and when the waiter placed a huge bowl of steaming, melted cheese in front of Alexander, he realized just how hungry he was. Presidential babies be damned. He scarfed down the meal in a matter of minutes, sometimes smacking his lips obnoxiously when he caught Jefferson giving him a disgusted look. Jefferson, to his credit, ate all his food, albeit slowly. Alex chugged two cups of water and ended up stealing sips of Jefferson's drink when he thought the other man wasn't looking. Alex wasn't sure he could process this information completely sober. All too soon, the check came and Jefferson took it from the waiter with a thank-you and a nod. Alexander held his hand out for a check, frowning when the waiter gave him a blank stare.

"Oh! Sorry, I just assumed you were on the same check. My apologies, I'll go fix that right now!"

Jefferson held up a hand and waved absentmindedly. "No need. We're on the same check, don't worry about it." He slipped his card in the booklet and handed it back to the waiter with a smile. The man rushed away again, through the ever-growing crowd of people waiting at the front of the room, and Alex turned to Jefferson.

"I'll give you cash in the morning." 

Jefferson deadpanned, "I was serious."

"Jefferson, I can pay for my meal. How much was it?"

"The fondue is $15, I think." Alexander paled then quickly composed himself.

"Okay, cool, I'll give you a twenty tomorrow."

Jefferson wasn't backing down, he shrugged as if a $50 dinner was nothing, which it probably was to him. "It's okay. This was supposed to be a dinner date, anyway."

Alex sighed and accepted defeat. He cast a look around the room and frowned when the guy from earlier was nowhere to be seen.

"Do you see the guy who was taking pictures?"

Jefferson glanced around and shook his head, curls flying everywhere.

"Nope. Hey, do you really have a key to the office?"

Alex eyed Jefferson and nodded slowly, "Yes."

"Good. Because we're breaking in."

\--

Alex would like to say he fought Jefferson tooth and nail about breaking into the Oval Office. He would _like_ to say that he argued and disputed and did all the things that might result in him _not_ getting fired. But. The truth was, he was just as thrilled at the prospect of going through the President's belongings as Jefferson was. Perhaps even more so. He followed Jefferson back to the bus silently, walked the couple blocks from the nearest bus stop to the White House without a word. They went to the entrance intended for public relations employees and Alex strolled past the security guard with a nod. The security guard barely glanced up, all too used to Alexander's weird hours and special passes. They made it inside and approached the entry to the main office. Alex held up his skeleton key - the one that could get him access to almost any part of the actual White House, and tried to stop his hands from shaking as he unlocked the door. They slipped inside together and stood in the hallway for a minute, Alex trying to catch his breath from the rush of adrenaline still coursing through his veins.

"Now what?" Alex whispered, the safety and familiarity of their office doing nothing to comfort him.

"Now we go through his desk." Jefferson, apparently not as much of a worrier as Alexander, spoke at his normal volume. Alex groaned and slouched against the wall.

"Seriously?! What do you think is going to be there, a birth certificate?" Alex whisper-shouted.

"I don't know!" Jefferson rebutted, "I just have a feeling that we should look there." Alex stood up straight and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"For fuck's sake.. okay. Let's get this over with." Jefferson cheered and Alex shushed him. They started the journey down the hall to Washington's office, Alex pausing briefly every few seconds to glance behind them.

"Chill, will you?" Jefferson griped, "If anything, you're making us look more suspicious. On the bright side, at least if you get fired you won't lose your job to me because I'll be fired too."

Alex glared at Jefferson and tiptoed carefully up to the door to Washington's office. The office was different at night, like it always was, but this time it was more haunting than usual. The shadows across the carpet seemed to swallow Alexander's feet as he stepped forward. Every little sound make him jump. They'd forgotten to turn any lights on, but Alex's eyes had adjusted. Everything in his vision had a slight blue-ish tint and it made him feel like he was in a movie.

"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better." Alex muttered as he slid the key in the door. It went without any resistance, and took a deep breath. He tried to make the muscles in his hand move, but he was frozen. Alexander closed his eyes and counted to five before a cold, soft hand was wrapping around his. Alex's eyes flew open and sought out Jefferson, who was already staring at him.

"Together." Jefferson whispered. Alexander nodded. "One.. two.. three."

The lock clicked and Alex let out the breath he'd been holding. He removed his hand from under Jefferson's and placed it on the doorknob, turning it slowly. Once the door was open, Jefferson was out of patience. He pushed past Alex and flipped on the light switch, flooding the room in bright white and making Alex wince.

Alex blinked and waited in the doorway for a few seconds to let his eyes adjust to the light. Once he could see again, he squinted and made out the shape of Jefferson's body, standing behind Washington's desk. Alex crossed the room and joined Jefferson, who had a drawer open already and was sifting through papers.

"Make sure you put everything back exactly as you found it." Alex muttered, eyeing the way Jefferson was haphazardly tossing papers on the desk. Jefferson nodded slightly and continued his search, Alexander acting as a lookout by glancing at the door every five seconds and praying that Washington was above the use of assassins or, say, snipers. That thought led Alex to an even stranger thought - he thought of Sandra. Sandra and her clicking heels and big smiles and kindness. What if the next scene she was called to clean up was the scene of his own death? Okay, maybe that was a bit melodramatic, but not beyond the realm of possibilities. A sharp intake of breath from Jefferson ripped Alexander out of his thoughts and made him jump.

"What? What is it?" Alex whispered while trying to regain control of his heartbeat. Jefferson was bent over at the waist, staring intently at a sheet of paper right in the middle of Washington's desk. His hands were fists planted on either side of him, supporting his upper body weight on the desk. Alexander noticed just then how Jefferson was wearing a pair of black glasses, pushed up the bridge of his nose and framing his face nicely. Had Jefferson ever worn glasses around Alexander before? Who knew they both had such bad eyesight?

"Check this out." Jefferson said in a tone of voice that Alex never heard from him before. Alex shuffled closer to Jefferson, mentally willing him to move one arm so he could stand more comfortably. In order to see the paper, Alex had to lean over Jefferson's arm, causing their shoulder's to touch and Jefferson's upper arm to press across his chest. Alexander ignored his fluttering heartbeat and looked over the paper.

\--

CONFIDENTIAL

FORMAL WORKPLACE HARASSMENT AND DISCRIMINATION INCIDENT REPORT

Complainant's Name: Aaron Burr

Department/Location: Blank

Supervisor: John Adams/George Washington

Name of Reported Subject: John Adams

Description of Incident: I was approached by John Adams in the workplace restroom. I was going to the bathroom when he came in. He grabbed my penis and I pushed him away. He shoved me against the wall, resulting in a sprained wrist from trying to catch myself and bruising on my back and shoulder.

Reported to: George Washington

Time and Date of Incident Reported: 10:41AM, April 10th

\--

"...oh, shit." Alexander whispered. He didn't know what to say. Jefferson seemed to feel the same way, as he made no move to stand up straight or answer Alex. There was a moment of silence as they both stared at the form and came to terms with what was being said - John Adams sexually assaulted Aaron Burr. Alex remembered how Burr had been out of the office for, what, four workdays now? He tried to recall the last time he'd seen Burr before that, but he couldn't remember. Alex tried to remember if he'd seen Adams at all today. Sure, he spent every waking minute trying not to let their paths cross, but had he even caught a glimpse of his own boss? Alex suppressed a shudder and Jefferson finally found his voice.

"We should leave." Alex furrowed his brow. Jefferson stood up straight, very suddenly, causing Alexander to stumble forward and catch himself on the desk.

"What?" Alex squeaked, his brain unable to catch up so fast for once. He looked up and tried to get a look at Jefferson's face, but he refused to make eye contact, instead he gathered up all the papers on Washington's desk and shoved them back in the drawer. Jefferson slammed the drawer shut and glanced at the watch on his wrist.

"Fuck!" Jefferson swore, "It's almost midnight. We have work in the morning. This was a bad idea, we have to leave. Lock the door behind you." And Jefferson was brushing past Alexander, right out the door, leaving Alex with his jaw wide open and both his heart and mind racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slfskdjglsgjlfgj if you think that's the only plot twist u got another thing coming pal
> 
> spoiler: thomas and alex still haven't guessed the real reason washington is putting them up to this
> 
> also burr is gonna be totally fine, don't worry. there won't be too much angst involved in that scandal. i love burr too much to hurt him any further.
> 
> see you monday!


	7. jamilton goes viral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THE END NOTES

Alex didn't sleep that night. He laid down and tossed and turned and played music and did everything in his power to relax and fall asleep but it was impossible. There were so many thoughts turning in his head and those thoughts didn't even begin to touch his date night with Jefferson. Their fake date that Alexander actually enjoyed and was looking forward to doing again, which he was having a really hard time coming to terms with. Before he knew it, it was 5:45am on Tuesday morning and his first alarm was going off.

Alex rolled over and sighed. He would just have to be insanely early this morning. As he dragged himself out of the warmth and comfort of his bed and across the cold tile of his bathroom, he wondered how he could face Washington after illegally going through his belongings. They must've broken a hundred laws last night. The whole thing would be on security cameras, it's not like Alexander was foolish enough to think the White House wouldn't be chock full of them. Alex stripped and hopped into the shower where a stream of water hot enough to burn was waiting for him.

The threat of potential jail time wasn't even the biggest thing on his mind. Alex and Burr never got along. They were polar opposites, always at each other's necks, even worse than Jefferson and Alexander. But harassment wasn't something that Alexander would wish on his actual worst enemy. Alex should have known; all his red flags went off when he was around John fucking Adams. The man was a creep. He invaded the personal space of all the young, naive employees who didn't have the guts to speak out, probably for fear of losing their jobs. Alex just never thought Adams would go this far - to actually grab someone and physically assault them. Alex shuddered under the spray of the shower, too weary to actually wash himself off so the water would have to be good enough. He supposed it was a thin line to cross. It didn't take much for a predator to become a rapist.

Alex stepped out of the shower and dug through the bathroom closet for a towel while he was still naked and dripping wet. He dried off lazily, taking his time since he'd be early to work anyway, and brushed his teeth. He'd forgotten to brush last night and the taste of the chardonnay was still sour in his mouth.

So, what was the next step? Should Alex speak up for Burr? But, if he did that, Washington would definitely know about Alex digging through his personal papers. Maybe Alex could fess up and take the blame so Jefferson got off scotch free. It was Alexander's key, after all.

His thoughts plagued him all the way up to the White House, where Alex nodded at the same guard that was present last night and tried to ignore the dark, twisting guilt buried deep in his gut.

Alex got to his desk and collapsed in his chair, letting his head fall onto his desk just hard enough that it hurt. He must have finally dozed off for a little while, because the next thing he knew, there was a loud knock at the door and his face was covered in drool.

"What?" Alex called out blearily, "Who's there?"

"It's me." Alex wished it wasn't. "Can I come in?" Alex wished he could say no.

"Yes." He stretched his arms over his head and groaned, feeling his spine crack in more than one place.

"Why is it that I never see you working but you always have more done than me?" Jefferson said lightly, almost teasing, with the hint of a smile on his face. Alexander felt his own face betray him with a sleepy grin as he grabbed his computer mouse and shook it so the screen would wake up. He looked at the time on the computer and winced.

"You let me sleep until eight?"

Jefferson scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Contrary to what you might believe, I'm not your keeper. I didn't even expect you to come in today."

"Fair enough." There was a beat of silence. Neither one of them wanted to start the dreaded conversation that was bound to happen sooner or later.

"Have we come to the conclusion that Washington isn't pregnant?" Alexander joked, his pulse quickening when he actually got a smile out of Jefferson.

"I guess so. It looks like our relationship," There wasn't even a point in putting air quotes around it at this point, Jefferson must have been as tired of skirting around it as Alex was, "is a cover up for the fucking office scandal of the century, Actual Demon John Adams." Alexander shot Jefferson a glare.

"Harassment isn't a joke."

"Right. I agree. I'm just trying to lighten the mood." Jefferson answered honestly, catching Alexander off guard once again.

"What do we do now?" Alex hated how small his voice sounded. He hated that they were caught up in this situation.

"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know when I know. You should get to work on that article." Jefferson commented, nodding towards Alexander's computer. Alex frowned; when did he tell Jefferson about Sandra?

"How did you know I'm working on an article?"

Jefferson chuckled, "When are you _not_ working on an article?"

"That's true." Alex grinned, "Now get out of my office so I can work."

Jefferson rolled his eyes and complied, only pausing to flip Alexander off from the doorway. A chapter straight out of Alex's book of tricks.

Alex got to work and ended up having to call Sandra halfway through editing the outline because he was missing a few key details. The timing was perfect - Sandra invited Alexander to join her Thursday afternoon for a massive cleanup with her whole team. Alex agreed perhaps a little too enthusiastically and begged her for more details until she finally bid him goodbye with a laugh and the promise to call again tomorrow. Alex thanked her profusely and hung up, eager to get more work done on what might be his favorite project of the year. He turned back to his computer and opened his Chrome browser, which consisted of at least five tabs at all times. The tab that he happened to open on was a White House correspondent's blog. The page refreshed automatically and Alex waited patiently, expecting a new post from this person since they updated almost every day. The page loaded and the first thing Alex saw was his own name as the headline.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON AND THOMAS JEFFERSON - ENEMIES OR LOVERS?

Alex's stomach dropped to his knees and he choked on his next breath. How did the news spread so quickly?! It'd only been - he checked the date - six days! Wow, okay, six days already? Alexander should probably start keeping a calendar. The giant text was enough to grab anyone's attention and it only got worse from there:

"Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson - not two names we're used to seeing in the same sentence. When you think of these two men, some key words come to mind, such as "fighting", "arguing", and even "enemies". We've all heard these words in relation to Hamilton and Jefferson, but it looks like that might be changing in the near future..."

The paragraph ended and the article was broken by a photograph of Alexander himself. His head was thrown back, mouth wide open in a smile so wide, Alex felt cheered up just by looking at himself. He looked happy, red-faced and in wrinkled work clothes, holding a cup of water in the air. The photo had the clarity of a high definition pap picture - Alex could clearly see the lines by his eyes that meant he was mid-laughter when the photo was taken. His teeth glinted white, even though the rest of his face was glowing in dim light. Closer to the lens of the camera was the puffy outline of Jefferson's hair, although it was extremely blurry thanks to the depth perception of the camera. Alex wished he could see Jefferson's face, if only just to know how he looked in that exact moment, watching Alexander laugh.

"Your eyes do not deceive you, that is Hamilton last night on a - dare we say it - dinner date with the one and only Thomas Jefferson! If you don't believe us, here's another angle."

And sure enough, two lines down, there was a picture that looked almost exactly like the previous scene had been rotated 45 degrees. Jefferson and Alexander's profiles sat across from each other with a bowl of melted cheese between them. Alex didn't remember this specific moment, but here it was, right in front of his face, documented forever. He looked like he was in the middle of taking a bite, but he'd missed his mouth and sent cheese dripping down his chin. Or possibly he'd overestimated how much cheese was on the shrimp, or he was too impatient to let all the excess cheese drip off before trying to take a bite. Probably the latter. Alex in the photo was looking down at his nose with one hand holding his fork and the other hand positioned below his chin, ready to catch the mess. He didn't look particularly attractive, with his neck stretched out to avoid getting it on his clothes and cheese dripping out of his mouth. The photographer had done a good job of positioning the photo to capture the outline of Alex and Jefferson's faces. Alexander's clearly crooked nose didn't serve to help his unattractive status, but he never took enough pride in his appearance to be embarrassed by a moment like this anyway. Alex in-real-life shifted his gaze to Jefferson, expecting a look of disgust or maybe irritation in response to the way Alex looked. Instead, Jefferson was gazing at him like he was doing something completely endearing instead of being his usual gross self. Jefferson's eyes were soft, or at least, the eye that Alex could see in the picture was soft. The corner of his mouth was upturned in a small smile and his hand was reaching for a napkin, ready to hand it to Alex. Alexander squinted, like maybe he was missing some part of the picture, something else that would have made Jefferson look like that, but there was no denying how his expression was directed at Alex.

"Clearly, these two have made amends, at least for the time being. They were a sight to see, giggling and being very flirtatious over dinner. Hamilton stole sips of Jefferson's wine and Jefferson took the liberty of covering the bill. We expect Hamilton to return the favor somehow. *wink*. So, how do you guys feel about this budding relationship? Do we see a #Jamilton wedding in the near future? Until next time!"

The article ended with one last picture; Jefferson with his cheek resting in his hand, eyes glowing as he stared intently at Alexander, who was a blur on the left side of the page. Alex couldn't place that moment, either, he'd been too caught up in his own world.

Alex read and reread the blog post three more times in the next few minutes. He studied the pictures and looked for some kind of sign that he and Jefferson were pretending to enjoy each other's presence, but they'd done a fucking fantastic job of hiding it. Their usual animosity was nowhere to be found in these incriminating photos. To the eyes of someone who didn't know the truth, it looked like he and Jefferson were genuinely having a good time. It was absolutely sickening.

In the middle of his fourth times reading the post, Alex was rudely interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in!"

The door creaked open and Washington entered, causing Alexander to jump and straighten his back. This was it, he was going to get chewed out, then arrested, then fired - wait, no, fired THEN arrested. And then - 

"Well done, Alexander." George beamed and took a seat across from Alex. Alex blinked, opened his mouth with a loud pop, then closed it again.

"What?" Alex's voice cracked and he almost bit his tongue.

"I said, well done! Your date with Jefferson went perfectly last night!" Alex chuckled nervously and nodded. Luckily, Washington didn't notice his suspicious behavior. "I'm proud of you guys. It takes a lot for you two to tolerate each other, I understand that. I really can't thank you enough for doing this." Washington looked almost bashful for a second when he slouched and glanced at the floor, but he gathered himself quickly and sat up straight again.

"So, as a reward for you guys, I've arranged for you to go on a vacation this weekend. Nothing too special, just a couple days on the beach, but it'll look great in the press and hopefully help you two relax."

Alex nodded absentmindedly, his own nerves keeping him from really listening to what Washington was saying.

"I'll have more details towards the end of the week. I'll let you get back to work now, I know you have a lot to do."

"Uh huh." Alex hummed, staring at his computer screen so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with Washington.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll let myself out. See you later, Alex." Washington stood back up and exited as quickly as he came in, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Alexander let out the air in his lungs with a huge whoosh and cursed himself for being so stupid. Somehow, he hadn't gotten fired, but that was only because Washington probably didn't see the security tapes yet. The countdown to the end of his career was on.

Alex glanced back his computer screen and sighed at his own face. Then, something occurred to him that hadn't before. The blog post had comments. 35 comments, to be exact. Alex quickly scrolled down and started to read them - noting that the post had been published only an hour ago. Most of the comments were from bible thumpers who were angry about the prospect of a gay relationship within the White House. Alex scoffed and scrolled right past the angry white guys. Get with the times, pal. He focused instead on a couple of positive comments about how much happier he and Jefferson looked together. Alex supposed one might think that after years of seeing him and Jefferson glaring at each other in every picture taken of them. Even if he and Jefferson had just been staring at each other with completely blank faces, it would still be an improvement to their previous relationship. A surprising number of people fell for the act, hook line and sinker. Not a single person questioned the date, although Alex suspected if they did, they'd get shut down immediately by some of the #Jamilton supporters.

When he was done stalking the comments section, Alex tried to focus on his work, but between his sleep deprivation and wandering mind, he didn't get very far for the rest of the day. He mostly snacked on a huge bag of raisins from the break room and stayed holed up in his office to avoid Washington. By the time 6pm rolled around again, Alex was ready to go home and pass out. He gathered his stuff and shoved it in his backpack then somehow made it out of the building without running into Washington or Jefferson. Alex was immensely grateful for that - he felt like he needed a break from his own life for a few hours. He made it to his apartment complex and stomped up the stairs, guilt and shame still weighing him down like lead. It wasn't until he was undressed and tucked into bed with only the beginnings of a sunset still shining outside his window that Washington's words actually registered in Alex's brain.

He was going on vacation.

With Jefferson.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! sorry for a short chapter. i am back home today after 4 days out of town with no wifi and no phone service and tomorrow morning i am boarding a plane to hawaii wtf?!?
> 
> i'll be on vacation from the 25th to the 30th and i can't promise that i will have a chapter uploaded next friday but i will try. i'm not sure how much time i'll have to write and since this chapter is kind of eh i want to upload another juice-y one next.
> 
> next chapter: alex creates more trouble for himself, alex goes to work with sandra, alex falls asleep on thomas, alex gets his names mixed up


	8. alex fucks up x100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex is a fucking mess and thomas doesn't know how to handle his emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why this got so angsty but im sorry?? next chapter there's even more sleeping so look forward to that

Wednesday came and went without a word from Washington or Jefferson. Alexander was thankful for that, he wasn't sure how much time he could spend around Washington without spilling the beans about his and Jefferson's midnight adventure. The only person who wouldn't leave Alex alone on Wednesday was John Laurens.

7:40pm bae: aaaaaaalex

7:41pm chatterbox: what do u want jack

7:41pm bae: can't a guy have a simple conversation with his best friend?

7:41pm chatterbox: i know when you're up to something john laurens we've been friends for too long

7:42pm bae: what are you doing next week

7:42pm chatterbox: ??? working? as always

7:43pm bae: well can u take some time off? eliza's sisters are coming to town so we're having Quality College Family Time

Alexander met both John and Eliza in college, through a club John founded about modern-day revolution. Eliza and John were friends before Alex met them, Angelica was a senior when Alex was a freshman so their paths never crossed until Alex graduated and stayed friends with Eliza. Alexander and Eliza were some of the revolution's first members; the club quickly grew to be about 50 students from all years and there was a rumor it still existed today, years after the three of them graduated.

7:43pm chatterbox: u mean angelica? and the other one?

7:44pm bae: peggy. honestly alex you really need to get a facebook buddy.

7:44pm bae: i love you but it's time

7:45pm chatterbox: you know as well as i do that facebook is nothing but a place for people to spread lies and slander. i won't be a part of it

7:45pm bae: you just described the white house website tbh

7:46pm chatterbox: you shut your whore mouth john laurens

7:46pm bae: MY MOUTH IS PERFECTLY INNOCENT

7:46pm bae: well

7:47pm chatterbox: and back to the point, i can't take time off next week, i already left earlier than usual last friday and i can't afford to waste time. im already behind on my article for this friday

7:48pm bae: what do you mean behind??? everybody else on the team publishes every two weeks, you write an article every friday

7:48pm chatterbox: samuel seabury writes two articles a week

7:49pm bae: samuel seabury is a freak of nature

7:49pm bae: and he's a terrible writer

7:49pm bae: you actually work hard

7:50pm bae: it doesn't take much to write three paragraphs of bullshit. fox news does it every day

7:50pm chatterbox: oo sick burn john laurens

7:50pm chatterbox: but my point still stands

7:51pm chatterbox: i can't take a day off :( sorry pal

7:52pm bae: that's fine angie and peggy are staying for two weeks anyway.

7:52pm chatterbox: two weeks??? fucks sake then what's the rush

7:53pm bae: nothing. i think a certain someone wants to spend time with you though... (side eye emoji)

7:53pm chatterbox: who? eliza?

7:54pm bae: no you dope. angelica

7:54 pm chatterbox: what does angelica want with me??

7:55pm bae: idk but you should hit that

7:55pm chatterbox: i am,, how you say, a gay

7:56pm bae: sure laf and i'm a straight

7:57pm bae: get real alex we both know ur bisexual ass has a thing for smart black ladies and god is putting one right in front of your face

7:57pm chatterbox: i thought you didn't believe in god?

7:58pm bae: i didn't believe in god until i met him in a gay bar

7:58pm chatterbox: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

7:58pm chatterbox: WHO WAS THAT HE'S GORGEOUS

7:59pm bae: i gotta,,,,,, how you say,,,, g o

7:59pm chatterbox: JOHN LAURENS YOU GET BACK HERE AND FACE THE FACTS

8:00pm bae: BYE

Alex found himself grinning at his phone as he packed up to go home for the day. His body still felt sluggish and heavy from the events of the week, so he thought he'd try to go to bed early tonight. He would have left the office already if it weren't for John's pestering. As it was, all he had to do was get his backpack together and slip his shoes on so he could walk out the door. Alex opened the door to his office and almost choked at the sight of the dark hallway. His guilt came back full force and seemed to weigh him down like a ton of bricks. Alex's breath whooshed out of him and he took a step forward, immediately slipping on something slick that sent him flailing through the air. He landed straight on his ass and pain shot up his spine from the impact. Alex winced and braced himself with both hands on the floor so he could stand back up. His tailbone twinged as he got to his knees and he made a mental reminder to look into booking Lafayette's chiropractor. Once he was back on his feet, Alex searched for the thing he slipped on and found a red envelope on the floor. Of course Alex would bust his ass on a piece of paper. What a time to be alive.

Alexander picked up the envelope and inspected it. There was no writing on either side and the top wasn't sealed, instead left open so Alex could see a white letter inside. Alexander was no stranger to letters, he loved to write them even more than he loved to write emails and blog posts. He pulled the paper out without thinking.

Ham

I saw what you did with Jefferson on Monday. I should report you to the President. What would he say if he knew his two best writers were stealing from him? Going through his desk... tsk, tsk, tsk. You would be imprisoned for life. Unless... you want to make a deal. Saturday night, come back to the office and leave an envelope in front of your door. I want to know exactly what the President is hiding. Don't play dumb, I know you know what's going on. I have the security tapes from Monday. If I don't get your letter, they might just end up in the hands of George Washington.

Good luck.

Alexander had to reread the letter several times for every word to sink in. Something boiled in his gut that felt like a mixture of terror and nausea. He crumpled up the note and shoved it in his pocket, tears starting to burn in the corners of his eyes, matching the ache in his back nicely. He made a stupid mistake and now he was paying the price. This felt like a sick game of pick your poison.

Alex didn't sleep that night, either.

 

Thursday morning was better. Alex managed to forget about his impending doom long enough to join Sandra on a work day full of rats, chemicals, and mysterious stains. He only threw up twice, but the thrill of spending an entire day with his hero was enough to combat the strange reality of cleaning up the apartment of a woman who died in bed. The day was productive and Alex met Sandra's team of insanely cool people, which provided him all the inspiration he needed to write and finish the article Thursday night. He got home after six, showered for a good hour, scrubbing the smell of bleach off his skin, then sat down at his computer until four in the morning. He scheduled to article to upload automatically at 6am then laid down until his alarm went off at 5:45am once again.

Friday morning, Alex was dragging. He dragged himself out of bed, dragged himself to work, dragged himself to his desk, and fell asleep. He woke up to the gentle sound of his door opening more than a few hours later.

"How many times am I going to find you like this?"

Jefferson's voice was light, but Alex was used to listening to his tone more than his words, lately. There was something hidden in the pitch of Jefferson's voice and in the soft way he spoke that Alex almost couldn't decipher. He registered the sound of Jefferson scooting the chair in front of his desk and sitting down, but Alex's mind was somewhere else. He replayed the question over and over in his head until he figured it out. Sympathy. That's what Jefferson was trying to hide. Alex lifted his head and found Jefferson looking at him in the kind of way one might look at an injured puppy. Alex couldn't meet his gaze. He dropped his head back on the desk and swallowed the discomfort in his stomach.

"I wish I knew." Alex muttered as a late response to Jefferson's rhetorical question. Jefferson huffed a short laugh.

"You look like someone gave you two black eyes." He quipped and Alex smiled at that.

"I feel like it, too."

"Why did you come in today? You published this morning, you could have stayed home and slept." Alex could hear the frown in Jefferson's voice. He tried to shake his head but the table made that difficult.

"I had to be here, Washington's going to call us for a meeting. And I sleep better at the office, anyway." Jefferson, thankfully, ignored the implication that Alex wasn't getting good sleep at home and instead, moved on to a different topic.

"Ohh, shit. I forgot about the meeting. It's past noon so we'll probably get called in soon."

Alex tried to nod and ended up making his neck crack. He sat up with a groan and stretched his arms over his head. His hair was knotted on one side and sticking to his face on the other. Alex rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yanked his hair up into a ponytail. When he finally opened his eyes, Jefferson was staring at him with one eyebrow raised. The expression was so painfully familiar that Alex cracked a smile.

"What?"

"Nothing. You're just the uttermost disaster of a person that I've ever met." Now, it was Alex's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Uttermost?"

Jefferson gave him an unimpressed look.

"Uttermost. Utmost. Most extreme. Greatest. You are _the most_ disastrous person in existence. You win the prize."

Alex beamed and noticed the way Jefferson's mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile.

"Jefferson. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Yeah, well," Jefferson was full on smiling now, "don't get used to it."

And then Alex's phone was buzzing with a text from Washington and the moment was over. He showed Jefferson the text, which read 'yo get jeff and come 2 my office. thx', and they giggled about Washington's terrible texting abilities all the way down the hall.

They entered Washington's office, shoving each other for the good chair like two schoolboys, and Alex definitely didn't notice how Jefferson let him win. Definitely not.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen." There it was. Why did Washington talk like a teacher and text like a toddler? Alex would never know the answer. "As you both know, you're leaving this evening for a weekend trip." Jefferson fake gagged, Alex elbowed him. "The train leaves at 6pm, so I suggest you go home now and start packing. I trust you both have finished your work for the week?" Alex nodded while Jefferson made a questionable noise. "Alex, good. Thomas, get on it. I'm emailing you both all the information you'll need and your tickets for the ride there and back. You -" Washington was interrupted by his phone ringing. The ringtone was some drumbeat, joined by trumpets and cymbals crashing. The song was familiar to Alex and he wracked his brain to figure out where he knew it from while Washington snatched up his phone.

"Hello?" Alex could hear the voice on the other line but it sounded like a hum. Again, the way the words lilted and the pitch of the voice struck something in his brain. He felt like he knew who it was and he could figure it out if he could just hear a little better... Alex leaned in and Washington jerked away like Alex was going to strike him.

"One second, my - ah, hold on, I'm finishing a meeting." Washington turned his attention to Alex and Jefferson, who were both equally perplexed by his behavior, and gave them a pointed look at the door. "You're excused. I'll email you in a few minutes." Alex glanced at Jefferson and stood up. He walked slowly to the door in an effort to listen in on the conversation, but it was useless. Once they were in the hallway again, Alex rounded on Jefferson.

"Why is he still getting phone calls?" Jefferson gave him a measured look.

"He's the president."

Alex rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips. "Yeah, but that wasn't a normal phone call. Did you see the way he was acting? And what the fuck kind of ringtone is that?"

Jefferson sighed, "Hamilton, I really think you're making a big deal out of nothing."

"Jefferson." Alex sneered, causing Jefferson to recoil back, his face hardening, "I'm not making a big deal out of anything! I know we're missing something." It was no use. Jefferson wasn't listening anymore. His expression was closed off and Alexander could see he was somewhere else. He opened his mouth to talk again, but Jefferson was pushing past him for the thousandth time that week. Alex stood, frozen, until the slam of a door jerked him out of his stupor. He resisted the urge to throw himself against the wall. His sore body probably wouldn't thank him for another injury. Instead, Alex slumped against the door to Washington's office and wished he could make out the murmurs coming from behind the closed door. After a few seconds, Madison came around the corner, walking towards Alex, and shot him a glare before power walking the rest of the way to his office. Alex groaned and leaned his head back on the door. How much more was he going to fuck everything up before this whole mess was over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO i didn't even think i would be uploading today. i hadn't written anything since like ten days ago, i got to hawaii on april 25th and my flight home isn't until may 1st. there wasn't wifi on the plane ride here (fucking United Airlines can't do shit right.) so there might not be wifi on the ride home so there might not be a chapter this monday. if there's not a chapter monday, i'll TRY to upload tuesday but im gonna be hella jetlagged for two or three days. sorry for speeding through three whole days in this chapter but we need to get shit going. there's a lot more yet to come. and there will be more of the revset very soon! in a few chapters, i'm gonna have an alex + revset + sisters + thomas movie night. (eyeball emoji)


	9. thomas vs the mac n cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jamilton start their weekend getaway with a lot of eating and sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> explanation later i have like one minute of wifi left!
> 
> EDIT: HEY sorry for the late update! i have been out of town for 3 weeks of the past month. i took care of my 95 year old great grandparents for 5 days, then went on a trip to hawaii for my lil bro's make a wish, now i'm in dallas for my friend's birthday and she doesn't have wifi and I don't have my car AND we haven't had much free time anyway. so i'm hoping this 4.7k chapter will make up for my lack of uploads recently. thanks for being patient and supportive!!!
> 
> SPECIAL THANKS to the amazing roseclipping for 1) talking me through my writers block 2) having a conversation with me about foods that rhyme with bichon frise and 3) saying the phrase "cheese on geesé" so that i could immediately steal it and use it in this chapter. u da best. u da ham to my jeff
> 
> comments make me write faster but no pressure
> 
> oh and I didn't have time to spell check this so there are probably tons of mistakes that ill fix later. i literally had less than two minutes of wifi on my computer so im typing this from my phone whoops

Jefferson's emotional highs and lows mellowed out - thankfully - by the time Alex got home, threw some clothes in a bag, and returned to the office. Since Washington failed to tell them where exactly they were taking this mystery vacation, he had to resort to packing a variety of clothes. Half of which might not even be clean because that was Alexander's life. He basically grabbed the first t-shirt, shorts, jeans, and long sleeve shirt from the pile of clothes on his couch and hoped for the best. When Alex got back to the office, he found Jefferson in Washington's office, chatting lightly about their favorite vacation spots. Alex walked through the doorway and Jefferson glanced over for a split second. Without pausing or stumbling in the middle of his sentence, he procured a slip of paper from his pocket and handed it to Alex smoothly.

"-and I think my number one favorite vacation spot is France. Italy is a close second though." Washington nodded his agreement, his eyes slightly glazed and far away.

"Yeah, France is the best place I've been to, by far." Alex wrinkled his nose in distaste. It was easy to forget, sometimes, how much money Washington and Jefferson had to throw around, and then there were days like this where every second was a horrible reminder. It gave him a sour taste in his mouth and a small voice in the back of his head whispered jealousy. How Alexander could be working his ass off and just barely scraping by, while Jefferson didn't need to work at all. He could retire to Monticello and be waited on hand and foot. So, why was he still working for Washington?

"Hamilton! Are you listening?" Jefferson's firm voice snapped Alex out of his mental tirade and he jumped.

"What?! No. I didn't even know you were talking. I'm sorry." Alex met Jefferson's hard stare and winced slightly. Okay, so maybe they weren't exactly cool yet.

"I was saying," Jefferson said slowly, with the same measure of patience one might use to speak to a small child, "our train leaves in an hour and we need to be at the station in fifteen minutes. Washington has a car coming for us and it'll be here in like, five minutes." Washington nodded along behind Jefferson as he continued, "So, I hope you have everything you need."

"I don't even know where we're going." Alexander said, fighting to keep the whine out of his voice. It didn't seem fair that Jefferson got informed of their weekend plans before him.

"Virginia Beach." Washington answered, "And you'll probably get a lot of press while you're there. Which is the point. There'll be photographers in the hotel you're staying at and on the beach, so be on your best behavior. Would it kill you to smile?" He directed those comments at Alexander with a clearly meaningful stare.

Alex stammered and took a step back, putting a hand over his heart to show offense. "Ex - cuse me?! I smile plenty!" He argued, noting the tiny twitch in Jefferson's cheek but choosing not to acknowledge it.

"Smile right now." Washington challenged, raising one eyebrow to recreate a look Alex was very familiar with.

Alexander blinked, then squinted his eyes and lifted his cheeks in a weak smile. Washington fought to remain serious while Jefferson coughed into his elbow in a poor attempt to hide his laughter.

"Exactly." Washington deadpanned, "You're a terrible actor, Hamilton." Alex glared and folded his arms childishly. Before he could formulate a response, Washington pulled his phone out of his pocket and nodded at Jefferson.

Jefferson turned to Alexander. "Let's go." Alex huffed and reached behind his back to grab the handle of his forgotten bag, just in time to follow Jefferson as he exited Washington's office. Jefferson kept a fast pace down the hallway and through the building's front doors, so Alex was panting by the time they reached the car. Jefferson slid into the passenger seat wordlessly and Alex realized Jefferson didn't have a suitcase. He climbed into the backseat, still feeling like a forgotten child, and heaved his bag in beside him. The guy driving them didn't even ask for an address, which shouldn't have surprised Alex, but he wasn't used to the presidential treatment yet. The driver didn't offer a greeting and Jefferson didn't seem bothered by that, but Alexander's skin itched with the need to make conversation. He managed to smother that urge with common sense. He could read the situation well enough and with Jefferson still giving him the cold shoulder, now didn't seem like the right time for small talk.

They made it to the train station, which wasn't any place Alex recognized, so he figured this must be, like, the presidential train or something. Whatever it was, they were waved through all security and able to board thirty minutes before the train was supposed to leave. The interior of the carwas nicer than Alex expected, although Jefferson didn't seem impressed; with red velvet seats placed so they were facing each other as they lined the car - each one was a double seat facing a small black table and another double seat. Alex barely had time to take everything in before a man in a suit was gesturing for them to sit down. Jefferson sat on the side of the bench - if it could even be called a bench - furthest from the window, which perplexed Alex, as he liked to have a nice view, but then again, that was one of the only things that kept him busy on long rides. The spot between Jefferson and the window was open and, even though the rest of the train was unoccupied, Alex knew he had to sit there. He was determined to get back on Jefferson's good side before they reached the beach. He slung his two backpacks - one with his laptop and other stuff for work, the other filled with clothes - on the seat across the table and plopped down next to Jefferson. The man in the suit waited for them to get settled before he spoke.

"Hello, gentlemen." Alex wondered how drunk he'd get if he took a shot every time somebody called them that this weekend. "Can I interest you in an appetizer or dinner meal? All expenses covered by President Washington." Alex grinned at that and grabbed at a menu from the table.

"Hell yeah!" He half-shouted. The server paled but Jefferson pursed his lips and stared straight ahead. Alex took that as a good sign and continued, "I think I'll have... the baked macaroni and cheese, please." And that, _finally_ got Jefferson's attention.

"You're getting macaroni and cheese?" Jefferson said lowly, with undertones in his voice that made him sound almost insulted.

"Yes?" Alexander dragged out the word and met Jefferson's burning stare. Jefferson blinked twice but otherwise didn't break eye contact.

"You are the single most disgusting person.. I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

Alexander somehow gasped and squeaked at the same time. "You like mac and cheese?"

Jefferson gagged and Alex recoiled, wrinkling his nose. "Even that name makes me sick." Jefferson spat, slamming his menu shut loudly. He turned to address the waiter, "I'm so sorry about him, he wouldn't know good food if it bit him on the ass." Alex hissed at the venom in Jefferson's voice, although his eyes glowed with less malice and more of something like humor. "I'll have the cassoulet with -"

"Bichon Frise?" Jefferson glared over his shoulder at Alexander.

" _Cassoulet_ with crackers on the side. And an ice water. Thank you." Jefferson snatched the menu from Alex and handed them both to the waiter, who nodded and walked away.

"So," Alex started lightly, "you like crackers?" He wiggled his eyebrows when Jefferson looked over and grinned when Jefferson rolled his eyes.

"Hey Jefferson. How many foods do you think rhyme with Bichon Frise?"

Jefferson paused for a moment like he wasn't going to answer, then said, "I don't know, but Bichon Frise definitely does not rhyme with cassoulet." Alexander stuck his bottom lip out and frowned.

"Yes, it does!"

"No, it doesn't!"

"What about... cheese on geese." If Alex could have an image of Jefferson's face at that moment forever engrained in his mind, he just might enjoy that.

"Hamilton, you're fucking kidding me. In what universe does that rhyme?!"

Alex sniffed petulantly, "Cheese on geese, Bichon freese."

Jefferson shook his head and slouched back in his seat. "It's pronounced 'frise', like, 'free - zey'. Not like fucking geese."

"Fine, then. Cheese on geesé."

Jefferson choked on his laughter and dissolved into a fit of giggles, completely at odds with how he was five minutes ago. Alexander blinked, then joined Jefferson in his laughter until they both had tears in their eyes.

"Fucking." Jefferson gasped for breath, "Cheese on geesé!" He almost fell out of his seat after a new round of laughter. Alex was so zoned in on Jefferson's giant smile, he didn't even notice the waiter bringing them waters until he almost knocked one off the table.

"Oh, shit!" Alex exclaimed, catching the cup just before it tipped over. Jefferson panted beside him, his chest visibly moving in an effort to bring air into his lungs.

"Jesus christ, Hamilton, I swear you're going to be the death of me." Alex smiled into his glass and took a sip of water.

The tension calmed down after that, both men too exhausted from their cackling to debate any longer. They sat in silence, Alex scrolling through his phone and Jefferson buried in a book Alex had never seen before, until he got an email notification.

"Woah, dude!" Alexander nudged Jefferson with his knee, "I hit five hundred comments already."

"Are you serious?" Jefferson folded the book in his lap and peered over Alex's shoulder.

"Yeah, for real!" Jefferson let out a low whistle.

"Damn. It usually takes me longer than twelve hours to get that many comments. I have to say, I'm impressed."

Alex nodded absentmindedly, "Yeah, I guess I'm kind of surprised, but I did think that story about Sandra would catch fire. She's just so unique -" Alexander trailed off as he loaded the White House website and started scrolling through comments.

"Wait, these comments aren't even about Sandra." Alex voiced his thoughts out loud and Jefferson hummed questioningly in response. Almost every single comment was about him and Jefferson, a majority of them even complete with hashtag Jamilton. Alexander felt his shoulders tense as he scrolled through the hundreds of comments. "Are you serious?!" Alex's volume and pitch rose as did his irritation, "I worked so hard to get her noticed, and nobody even cares?"

Alex could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks and he took a slow breath to calm down, but something still writhed angrily under his skin.

"I can't believe this." He muttered. Jefferson placed a hand on his arm gently and sighed.

"As much as it kills me to say this, Hamilton, you're right. She deserves more. It's okay, though, people will calm down in a few days and maybe CNN will get a hold on this article and interview her. It's not the end of the world."

Jefferson's calm reasoning helped Alex quiet his rage and redirect his energy by playing a particularly furious game of Scrabble on his phone until the food arrived. The waiter came back a few minutes after the train left the station and slid a bowl on a platter in front of Alex, then a similar tray in front of Jefferson. Alex nodded a thank you and grabbed at his fork, stabbing it through several pieces of pasta, which he immediately crammed in his mouth. Unfortunately, Alexander didn't realize the stupid mac and cheese was fresh out of the oven and the heat seared straight through his tongue. He yelped and jumped in his seat, causing Jefferson to cackle maniacally.

"It's not fucking funny!" Alex mumbled through a mouthful of hot cheese. He grabbed a napkin from the tray and spat into it, feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction when Jefferson gagged again.

"It's the curse of macaroni and cheese." Jefferson said solemnly. When Alex looked over, he was staring off into space with a glazed look in his eyes. "I tried to warn you." He whispered. Alex snickered and shook his head slowly. It seemed like there was something new to learn about Jefferson every day; the man was a never ending enigma.

Alexander spent the next few minutes alternating between blowing way too hard on spoonfuls of pasta - or soup, in Jefferson's case, and shoveling said pasta in his mouth. When Alex was done eating, he scooted the tray away and leaned back on the velvety couch. The sound of the train engine and the gentle shaking of the car, combined with his full stomach, lulled Alex to sleep within minutes.

The first thing Alex registered when he regained consciousness was that he was very warm. He was leaning to one side, but not laying down, and something was tickling the top of his ear. Alex opened his eyes just enough so that he could see through his eyelashes, and realized there was a screen in front of his face. It was blurry and slightly tilted, but Alex could make out a long paragraph in the center of the screen. In addition to the loud hissing of the train, there was also a persistent clicking sound happening somewhere near Alex's arm. Typing, he realized. Upon opening his eyes a little more, he could see that the screen was connected to a keyboard, which was connected to two hands, which were typing so fast they were almost a blur.

"Jefferson?" Alex murmured groggily. The typing ceased and one of the hands flew to the trackpad of the laptop. The browser with the paragraph of text was closed out. Alex frowned and shifted slightly. He came to the conclusion that the warmth radiating from his side was actually Jefferson, which meant he'd taken a nap on Thomas fucking Jefferson. And Jefferson allowed it. Something warm flooded Alex's chest, suddenly, and he wrote it off as a result of being overheated. His heartbeat was loud in his ears as he sat up. Alex reached up and ran both hands through his hair, which was a knotted mess from Jefferson's shoulder and the back of the couch.

"What time is it?" Alexander said as he stretched his arms above his head. He turned to face Jefferson, who looked completely and entirely unphased by the fact that Alex just fell asleep on him, even if he had been weird about the laptop thing earlier.

"Nearly ten." Jefferson answered just as quietly.

"Ten at night?!" Alex gasped. He slept for almost four hours?! Jesus Christ.

"Yup." Jefferson dragged out the vowel and busied himself by closing his laptop and setting it on the table. Alex didn't know how the fuck Jefferson managed to bring a laptop and a book onto the train so discreetly, but some things were just not worth questioning. "We just got to our stop, actually."

Alex frowned again, "Man, I bet that was boring for you. Sorry for falling asleep."

Jefferson shrugged. "You looked like you could use the rest. If I didn't know better, I would say you never sleep at night. Actually, I do know better, and I know that you never sleep. You're, like, nocturnal or something."

"Yep, that's me. Nocturnal. Like a lion." Alex chuckled and Jefferson rolled his eyes.

"Are lions even nocturnal?"

"They're cats, so, probably."

"Whatever. Then you're the smallest lion I've ever seen."

"Hey!" Alex protested as Jefferson stood up, laptop and book under one arm. "Little lions are just as ferocious!"

"Whatever you say." Jefferson sung over his shoulder. Alex grumbled and stood up, grabbing his bags and following Jefferson to the door. They were escorted off the train and to a taxi, where Alex abandoned his bags on the sidewalk in favor of stealing the front seat from Jefferson. Jefferson got him back by throwing his bags in the backseat just a little too rough. Alex prayed for his laptop's safety the whole way to the hotel.

The hotel was large and white and shiny, even in the dim moonlight, and Alex didn't recognize the area whatsoever, which was mildly concerning. He trusted Washington not to put them in danger, but being in an unfamiliar place at night should be enough to make anyone nervous. Not to mention how his only comfort was the familiar rhythm of Jefferson's breathing. Alex thought that might be part of the reason he fell asleep on the train; those noises always put him at ease, even when he was a child. When they got out of the taxi, Alex scoured his wallet for a tip and didn't notice the way Jefferson's eyes lingered on the crumpled up bills.

"Thanks for the ride!" Alex called to the taxi driver as he sped away. Jefferson weaved one strap from each backpack over Alexander's shoulders and let the weight drop, causing Alex to stumble. He shot Jefferson a glare and noticed a plastic Target shopping bag in one of Jefferson's hands.

"What's that?" Alex said, adjusting his own bags to be more comfortable.

"My clothes."

Alex eyed the bag, which was shriveled and didn't appear to be holding much at all.

"Is anyone gonna fill me in on where we are and what we're doing?" Jefferson gave him a confused look, his dark eyebrows wrinkled and making him look even more shadowed. His back was to the streetlight which illuminated Alex's pale skin. Jefferson's hair stood up at odd angles from being seated for so long and it cast triangular shadows over his eyes.

"You don't recognize this place? We're at Virginia Beach."

"I don't know what that is. We're at a beach? I didn't bring sunscreen!" Alex squawked, "Do you see this delicate skin?! Why didn't you say something?" Jefferson shrugged and Alex groaned. He whipped around and marched up to the hotel entrance. He got to the front desk right before Jefferson - Jefferson's stupid long legs made it hard for Alex to run away - and smiled as nicely as he could to the concierge.

"Hello! What can I do for you?" The man behind the desk was pale blonde and tanner than Alex, which bugged him out just a little.

"Hi," Alex glanced at his nametag, "Fred. We're with - um, Washington?" Alex cringed at himself and took a step back as Jefferson stepped forward to take over. Maybe being the talker in these situations wasn't his strong suit.

"Hello, we should have a room booked under the name 'Washington'." Jefferson said smoothly, sending the concierge straight into business mode. He nodded and clicked a few things on his computer before turning back to Jefferson.

"Thomas and Alexander?" Alex swallowed at the sound of their names together like that. How many weeks had it been already? How long would it take him to think of them as a couple? Alexander shuddered slightly. Hopefully _forever_.

"That's us." Jefferson answered. He produced an ID for Fred and accepted their room keys with a nod. They were on the 18th floor, which meant they had to take an elevator every time they left the hotel. Alex could feel himself getting tired of the cheesy elevator music and they hadn't even gone on it yet. Jefferson exchanged a couple more words with Fred before they bid him goodnight and went to find the room.

Alex was right about the elevator music. It was a terrible cover of a five year old Taylor Swift song.

Jefferson handed Alex one of the room cards as they stepped off the elevator. It wasn't difficult to find their room - there were only three doors on the whole floor. Apparently, the spa and the club lounge were on the 18th floor, too.

Jefferson held his card up to the sensor and swung open the door to reveal a large living area, decorated almost obnoxiously with ocean themed items. The carpet was blue and appeared to be freshly vacuumed, if the lines covering the floor were any indication. There was a decent sized couch along one wall, although it seemed small in comparison to the room. Alex whistled as he stepped through the doorway.

"Wow. Guess we got the presidential suite, huh?" He joked, dropping his bags on the kitchen counter. Because that's how big the room was - it had a kitchen complete with a stove and a minifridge.

Jefferson nodded and slung his shopping bag onto the side table, next to a large lamp with a seashell lampshade. Alex still didn't know what clothes he could possibly have packed that would take up such a small amount of space. Like, maybe one shirt.

"You should go shower. I'll see if there's something to snack on before bed." Jefferson said, already coming back to the kitchen to sift through the minifridge. Alex frowned from his spot by the counter. He leaned back against the stove and folded his arms over his chest.

"I don't want to shower." Jefferson stood up straight and faced Alex, putting his hands on his hips.

"You're taking a shower."

"I don't want to."

Jefferson ran his tongue over his teeth in a show of irritation.

"Go. Take. A. Shower."

Alex stood his ground and held eye contact until the rest of his vision blurred and all he could see were the flecks of black around Jefferson's pupils. The show of dominance lasted way too long, neither of them willing to give in, especially since their relationship was built on mutual bossiness. But Alex's limbs were still heavy with exhaustion and his stomach growled softly, lessening the tension just a little. He realized he hadn't eaten in, what, five hours? And he hadn't gone to the bathroom in the same amount of time. Fuck. Alex was going to lose.

Alexander growled and jerked his head to the side to break eye contact. He pouted both lips and stomped as loud as he could out of the kitchen and through an open door that led him to the bedroom. Alex didn't even stop to inspect their sleeping quarters; his bladder wouldn't allow it. He made it to the bathroom and yanked his clothes off completely. He glanced around while he peed and noted the colorful seashell-shaped soap bars. Alex formulated a plan to trick Jefferson into thinking those were candies in the time it took him to flush the toilet and turn the shower on.

Even though the hot water was inviting and felt nice on his back, Alex showered as quickly as he could. He didn't bother with washing his hair, figuring if they were on a beach, it would get dirty soon enough anyway, and it was too much of a hassle to get that much hair dry before bed. Instead of getting it wet, Alex pulled his hair up in a bun on top of his head with the hairtie always on his wrist. Alex scrubbed under his arms and rinsed his genitals, then decided that was enough. He stepped out of the shower - onto the soft, blue bath mat - and pulled a towel off the bar. Alex dried his dripping body and reached for his clean clothes - which he'd forgotten to grab. That's exactly what he needed. Alex took a deep breath and calmed his nerves. He slept in his boxers anyway, they were at the beach so he'd be shirtless at some point, there was bound to be a point in time where Jefferson saw him almost naked. Alex just didn't anticipate that moment to be so soon. If he played it cool, maybe Jefferson wouldn't notice. Jefferson might think that was the plan in the first place. Before he could psych himself out, Alex wrapped the towel around his waist, opened the bathroom door, and took a step out into the bedroom.

Alex took two confident steps across the room before he sensed Jefferson's eyes on him. He turned to face the bed and got the wind knocked out of him at the sight of Jefferson naked from the chest up, save for a pair of glassed perched on the bridge of his nose. Jefferson was watching him over the edge of the rectangular glasses with an unreadable expression on his face. His hair was fluffy around his face, just touching his ears, and Alex felt a pull of jealousy that Jefferson could look so effortlessly attractive while his own greasy hair was a literal bird's nest. Jefferson's legs were buried under a white comforter and Alex wasn't sure if he was wearing boxers or not. He tried not to linger on that thought too long. Despite his best efforts, Alexander glanced at Jefferson's lap to see if he could tell, but he was met with the sight of a well worn book covering Jefferson's crotch.

"Whatcha reading?" Alex asked casually, as if he wasn't standing in a strange room in nothing but a towel in front of his worst enemy.

"The Whipping Boy. It's one of my favorites." Jefferson's grip on the book tightened automatically, as if he expected that he would need to defend it. Alex was definitely caught off guard and a million questions flooded his brain instantly, but he didn't let it show on his face. As much as Alex was an open book, no pun intended, he knew when to keep his expression under control. He nodded in acknowledgement and kept it simple.

"Cool." He stated. Alex turned back around before he could catch Jefferson's expression - he was too afraid of what it might say - and hunted down a pair of boxers.

Once he was decent, Alex took a minute to inspect the room. It was clean in a way that was almost creepy, but Alex supposed all hotels were like that. There was a black coffee table across from the couch, and a black tv stand in front of that. On the corner of the counter separating the kitchen from the living room, there was a plate with cheese squares and freshly cut strawberries. Alex peered over the counter into the sink, where a dirty knife rested on top of a red-stained plate. Jefferson prepared enough food for both of them. _Like a thoughtful boyfriend._ Alex's brain supplied unhelpfully. But his stomach was stronger than his ego, so he snatched up the plate and ate.

When he was finished, Alex placed the dirty plate in the sink with the other dishes and went back to the bedroom to search for a blanket. This time, when Alex entered the room, Jefferson didn't look up until he took a pillow from the other side of the bed.

"What are you doing?" Jefferson's voice was rough with sleep and it sent a shiver down Alexander's spine.

"I need a blanket. I guess there'll be pillows on the couch if you need this one."

Jefferson flipped the book over his leg to keep his page and looked up at Alex.

"We are two grown men. Surely, I don't have to tell you not to sleep on the couch when there's a bed big enough for both of us."

"I just assumed you wouldn't want to share." Alex said, furrowing his brow. Why was Jefferson so hard to understand today? Maybe Alexander's exhaustion was interfering with his ability to read people.

"Well, you assumed wrong."

Jefferson picked his book back up and stared at it. Alex inhaled through his nose and let it back out quickly. He dropped the pillow and climbed in bed next to Jefferson, laying on his back and ignoring the way the top of his bare chest was showing. He also ignored the fact that Jefferson's own bare chest was less than two feet from his line of sight. And Alex _definitely_ ignored how he still didn't know what Jefferson was wearing under the sheets. Thomas frowned at his book.

"I wasn't trying to be rude. I just meant... you think a lot of things about me but you don't actually know me."

Alex hummed and rolled over. Thomas realized his mistake too late.

"Wait, that's not what I meant, I -"

"Save it, Thomas. You can explain after I've had a full night of sleep.

Thomas went quiet and Alex fell asleep before he realized his own mistake.


	10. intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex gets some much needed release

Alexander woke up sweaty, sticky, and hot. He was flat on his back in a room flooded with darkness and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. _The hotel._ His brain supplied helpfully. That's right, he was in the hotel, but damn, did they accidentally turn the heat on? Alex felt like his blood was boiling and it didn't help that his heart was pounding against his ribcage.

He kicked one leg experimentally and managed to get the duvet off so his sweaty skin was exposed to the cool air. Alex shifted his torso and tried to move his arms - one of which was completely numb. Great. Maybe his chest was numb, too. There was some kind of weight on his neck and his other leg was pinned down by something hairy. A dog? Alex blinked just as a gust of hot air hit the sensitive skin on his pulse. He willed his brain to start functioning better, because this situation was beyond comprehension right now. When Alex turned his head to the side in an effort to see what was on top of him, he got a mouthful of hair. He gagged and snapped his mouth shut, eliciting a quiet groan from the body clinging to his chest. _Jefferson._ His brain whispered. Yeah, that's it, if Alex could just call out for Jefferson, maybe he would come help and - wait.

Alex inhaled slowly, his heart rate still dangerously through the roof thanks to being overheated and overstimulated. The smell of lavender body lotion filled his nostrils. Alex's wits came back to him real quick after that. He made an effort to extract his arm from under Jefferson's body, but Jefferson weighed about a thousand pounds, according to his half-asleep, half-tingly arm.

Alex paused to survey his surrounding. How exactly was Jefferson attached to him? He clocked in three major points. One, Jefferson's leg was wrapped around his and Alex's pelvis was being crushed by Jefferson's hips. Two, Jefferson had an arm thrown over Alex's chest and his grip was pretty tight. Three, and probably the most distracting point of contact, Jefferson's face was buried in his neck, the weight of his head was solid - Alex mourned all the jokes about Jefferson being hollow and brainless - and his breath came steady and soft every few seconds, tickling just under Alex's ear.

There were some good things about this scenario. One, Alex's other leg was free enough to escape the confines of the blanket and successfully cool down the rest of his body. Two, Alex did have one free arm, which he used to grab his phone and check the time. 4:43am. Great. Three, Jefferson's thigh was definitely, absolutely, completely pressed right up against Alexander's junk. Which would explain the way his hips were trying to buck up into the touch without permission. It also explained the badly timed, raging hard-on that was putting a damper on Alex's thought capability. Alex tossed his phone back down on the bed and swallowed hard. He inched his hand back under the blanket, slowly, and let his fingers graze over his lower stomach. It would be easy to bring himself to completion without disturbing Jefferson, who was apparently a very deep sleeper, as Alex's fidgeting should have woken him up by now. He took another deep breath and was choked off by the smell of lavender. Alex thought briefly that it suited Jefferson - of course the man obsessed with purple would wear the scent of a purple flower. He didn't have much time to linger on that, as Jefferson started stirring, and something else became clear to Alex through the fog of sleep and arousal. He could feel Jefferson pressed up against his leg.

Sleep boners were not new to Alex - he was born with a penis, and waking up with a hard dick was a part of life.

_Still._

Even if Alex wasn't gay as fuck, even if he didn't happen to be super into other penises, there was a difference between your own body and somebody else's body reacting to physical touch. Alex muffled a groan. He was even more turned on by the thought of Jefferson, half asleep and desperate for release, grinding against his hip. Jefferson was still moving, he appeared to be seeking out the warmth of Alexander's body, because before Alex could react, Jefferson was on top of him completely, chest to chest, stomach to stomach, and then, _fuck, finally_ , the hard line of Jefferson's cock aligned with Alex's and he shuddered with relief. Even through two layers of fabric, Alex could feel the damp spot on Jefferson's boxers, whether from sweat or something else, he didn't know. Jefferson rutted once and Alex spread his legs automatically to allow Jefferson to slot in between his thighs. Alex writhed under Jefferson's weight, lost in a haze of heat.

He imagined Jefferson. Jefferson, naked and sweaty, holding him down by his shoulders and taking what he wanted from Alex's mouth. It would serve Alexander right, to be silenced once and for all by Jefferson's tongue. Maybe Jefferson would pin one knee against his crotch and hold him down until the pressure was almost painful and there was no room for Alex to move. His cock would throb without relief until Jefferson allowed him to finish. But, what if it was the other way around? What if Alex let Jefferson beg for release? He'd make Jefferson kiss every inch of skin on his body before even _touching_ Jefferson's dick. Alexander would get Jefferson as hard as he could without laying a finger on him, until Jefferson was flushed and damp and desperate with need, then Alex would hold him down, digging his thumbs into Jefferson's hips, and swallow him whole. Jefferson would cry out - Jefferson moaned.

Like, honest-to-god, moaned.

Alex realized faintly that he was grinding down on Jefferson in a way that wasn't at all professional or friendly. He let himself get overcome with need, and Jefferson was still unconscious. Fuck.

It took all the self-control Alex possessed to untangle his limbs from Jefferson's. He noticed the way Jefferson's dark skin glinted with sweat, even in the dark bedroom, and how his eyebrows furrowed in the middle when Alex slipped out from under him. Alex let his thumb brush against Jefferson's cheek in a brief, unspoken apology before he limped into the bathroom.

Alex braced himself against the wall and did his best to aim at the toilet. It didn't take long to get lost in his thoughts again, with one hand around his cock and the other splayed across his stomach to make up for the cold bathroom air. He jerked off lazily, mentally scrolling through his past hook-ups for material. He settled on that one time in college, when he and John were both drunk. That's what Alex needed right now, something familiar. John was safe. Alex pictured John's soft hair fisted in his hand, his lips thin where they wrapped around his cock, his gentle hands holding Alex in place. Alex clenched his jaw to muffle a groan. He pulled down his foreskin and thumbed the head of his dick, shooting sparks up into his stomach. John's tongue did tricks against the underside of his cock, he swallowed as Alex's fist tightened just slightly. Then it was Thomas nosing the sparse hair above his groin, Thomas's teeth grazing his sensitive skin, Thomas's fingers bruising Alex's thighs, and Alex was coming with the word 'Thomas' on his tongue.

It took a good minute for Alex to come back to himself. His blood still radiated in that way it did after a climax that intense. When he reached for the toilet paper, his hand was shaking. But Alex's body felt lighter and the butterflies in his stomach moved to his chest, causing his heartbeat to flutter.

He took his time cleaning up, and when he was sure no evidence of the scandal remained, Alex flushed the toilet and washed his hands with the seashell soap.

The door to the bathroom clicked when Alex opened it and he muttered a curse. He glanced at Jefferson, whose face was peaceful again, and noticed how he hadn't moved from the middle of the bed. Jefferson was on his stomach when Alex left, but he was on his side now, facing the bathroom door. Alex knew Jefferson was asleep, but with the way the blanket was pulled down and the way Jefferson's body was curled towards him, well. It looked like an invitation.

Alexander was drowsy from his orgasm. Sure. He was still half asleep and that was his excuse for climbing back in bed and immediately curling up against Jefferson. Alex preferred to be the little spoon, despite his hatred for jokes about his height, so he turned over and pressed his back to Jefferson's chest, scooting in close so even their legs were touching. Jefferson was still hard, his dick pressed against Alex's ass, and before Alex fell asleep, he could have sworn Jefferson pulled him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know im hella off schedule right now GIVE ME A BREAK
> 
> i am FINALLY back in town which means i have wifi! i haven't had consistent wifi for almost /two months/ now which you can imagine is torture. the good news, i have wifi. the bad news, my phone broke. it just. died and stopped charging. so i have to figure that out while trying to land a full time job. pray for me ahaahaha
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this excuse to write ham masturbating because he's turned on by jefferson and turned on by power struggles. oh alex. i probably won't upload tomorrow (monday) but who knows at this point. hopefully we'll be back to our regular schedule by next friday! oh and happy mothers day!!!


	11. act two

The next time Alex woke up, he was cold and alone. He opened his eyes and found the room to be pitch black, except for a tiny sliver of light coming from behind a curtain on one wall. Alexander sat up and fumbled for his phone, the bright screen making him wince. According to his phone, it was 10:07am on Saturday. Alex blinked and yanked the blanket off his legs so he could stand up. He stumbled over to the window and pulled the curtain back, revealing the intense early afternoon sunshine. Alex cursed and stomped to the bedroom door. He ripped it open with all the anger he could muster thirty seconds after waking up and made it halfway to the kitchen, ready to give Jefferson a piece of his mind, when - Alex immediately deflated at the sight of a giant platter of breakfast foods. He glanced up at Jefferson, who was standing in the kitchen, now wearing a t-shirt and shorts, with a mouthful of food. Jefferson blinked at him and Alex tried to remember why he was angry, but the way Jefferson looked with his hair flat on one side and his eyes bleary with sleep was highly distracting.

"Um." Alex stated eloquently. Jefferson swallowed and wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Good morning to you, too."

Alex remembered why he was angry.

"It's not fucking morning, you let me sleep until ten o'clock!" Alex's throat was scratchy but he'd be damned if that stopped him from bothering Jefferson. "And where did all this food come from anyway?"

Jefferson rolled his eyes and sipped delicately at a cup of orange juice that appeared out of nowhere. Alex felt his mouth water as he gazed longingly at the eggs and bacon Jefferson was working through. He nudged Jefferson just a little harder than necessary to get behind the kitchen counter, then rummaged through several cabinets before he found a stack of plates.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Alexander Hamilton." Jefferson teased, sending an odd shiver up Alexander's back. The way they were both squished in behind the counter made it so that Jefferson's breath tickled the back of Alex's neck when he spoke, giving him major deja vu. "I was asleep, too, genius. And some guy from the hotel brought it. I woke up when he knocked on the door."

Alex stepped on Jefferson's toe as he worked his way back out of the kitchen, his plate now covered in sausage and fruit. He grabbed a clean fork from the platter and crossed the room to sit on the couch. Jefferson followed slowly and wrinkled his nose when Alex propped his feet up on the coffee table.

"Well, whatever." Alex said through a mouthful of strawberries. "I think I've slept more in the past thirty two hours than I have all week."

"You mean, now you'll go back to being your normal, grumpy, half-asleep-at-all-times self?" Jefferson asked innocently. He was still standing, which was kind of weird, but maybe he had his fill of being in close quarters with Alex and that's why he didn't sit on the couch.

"Am I not grumpy enough for you right now?" Alex shot back, pointing his fork at Jefferson in a threat.

Jefferson held up one hand and backpedaled quickly, "No, no, you're fine! I'll take this version of you over a sleep deprived one any day." Alex fought a smile and returned to his meal without responding.

When they finished eating, Jefferson showed Alexander a text from Washington informing them of their daily plans.

"Lunch at Waffle House at 1pm. Free time after that, go to the beach or something. Get Alex to put on sunscreen, he burns easily." Jefferson paused to raise his eyebrows at Alex, who shrugged.

"Told you so."

"Whatever. Anyway. Sunset cruise, meet the captain on the beach at 5:30pm, open bar but don't let Alex get too crazy." Jefferson gave him another look. Alex scowled. "Dinner at 7pm at.. some place called Rockafeller's Restaurant."

"Sounds promising." Alex commented and Jefferson hummed.

"He says we'll probably get some paps on the beach and at the restaurant, just like last time." Jefferson mused. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, across from where Alex was sitting on the couch. The coffee table between them held all their dirty dishes from breakfast and it was already starting to make Alex feel sick. All this talk of food when he was completely full was not appetizing.

"I can't believe we're doing a pap walk on our honeymoon. This is so romantic." Alex said flatly. Jefferson's eyes crinkled up and he chuckled. Alex still felt like it was abnormal for Jefferson to find him funny but he refused to have deep thoughts so early in the morning.

"I want to see the beach." Alex stood up abruptly, causing Jefferson to glance up from his phone with furrowed eyebrows.

"What? Okay. You need a swimsuit."

Alex scoffed, "Fuck that noise. Swim suits are just a marketing ploy, who says I can't wear boxers in the ocean?"

Jefferson blinked, "Uh, the ocean. You're going to be soaking wet!"

"We're only here for two days!" Alex was already walking to the door, barefoot and dressed only in a pair of navy blue boxers. "And I have like, three more pairs. It's fine."

Alex threw open the hotel room door as Jefferson yelled after him, "Hey! Wait, you don't have a -" The door slammed shut. "..Key."

Alex was pushing the elevator button repeatedly when Jefferson caught up with him. He'd swapped his shorts for swim trunks - where he kept getting his clothes was beyond Alexander - and decided to go shirtless.

"You know, you only have to push it once."

"You know, I can do whatever I want." Alex shot back, jogging into the elevator when it finally opened. Jefferson followed slowly at first so Alex pushed the door close button to hurry him up. Jefferson ended up nearly getting crushed by the elevator doors in what was definitely the highlight of Alexander's morning. He was still cackling when they reached the lobby - Jefferson had to drag him out of the elevator.

They were a sight to be seen. Passing families and couple stared as Jefferson pulled a half-naked Alex by his arm all the way out the back exit and onto the beach. The hotel had a pool in the back in a small concrete lot and just ten feet beyond that was the beach. Alex finally stopped laughing to take in the view. The water was clear and blue, something Alex wasn't used to, being from New York, and it seemed to go on forever. He could even see fish splashing in the distance and boats getting ready to sail at the edge of the water.

"Woah." Alex whispered. Jefferson laughed and glanced at him.

"What, like you've never seen a beach before?" He joked. Alex remained quiet. Jefferson turned so he was facing Alex. "Wait, you've _never seen a beach before_?!"

Alexander shrugged. "Never had time, I guess. It didn't seem important."

Jefferson gaped for a moment and Alex thought he looked kind of like a fish, ironically enough. Finally, Jefferson let out a sigh and grabbed Alexander by the hand.

"You really need to get your priorities straight. C'mon." Alex let himself be guided through crowds of sunburnt people until they got to the sand.

Alexander giggled as the sand worked its way in between his toes. Jefferson looked back with a grin.

"What now?" Jefferson asked, his hand still wrapped tightly around Alex's. Alex looked down at his feet, then back up, matching Jefferson's smile with one of his own.

"It just feels strange."

Jefferson shook his head and tugged on Alexander's hand. Alex stumbled, not used to walking on the slippery sand, but regained his balance quickly enough.

"You're like a child!" Jefferson shouted over the crash of waves.

"I take pride in that!" Alexander shouted back, "Children are better than us in every concievable way!"

Finally, they were at the edge of the water. The waves were rocking the shore but the deeper the water got, the calmer it looked. Alex dipped his toes in the salty foam. His hand was starting to sweat against Jefferson's palm.

"Are you ready?" Jefferson's voice was soft. Alex looked up and saw that his face was, too. The sun filtered through Jefferson's eyelashes and made his skin glow gold. When Alex took to long to respond, Jefferson squeezed his hand and offered him a small smile.

There it was.

In all his years working with Jefferson, Alexander had never seen him with his guard completely down. He always kept himself guarded, especially around Alex. So why here? On a crowded beach with the noise of people and birds and water and wind. Why was Jefferson opening his heart to Alexander?

"Alex?" Jefferson prompted, "Are you okay?" Alexander's throat tightened.

"I'm not scared." He whispered, eyes wide as he stared at Jefferson.

"I never said you were." Jefferson whispered back. Alex took a deep breath.

"Okay."

Alex placed one foot in the water. He was glad Jefferson was still holding one hand because his other hand was shaking beyond control. The water was cool and soothing in comparison to the hot sand. Alex took another step and he was up to his ankles in water.

"See? Nothing to worry about." Jefferson's encouragement flipped a switch in Alexander. He grinned suddenly, let go of Jefferson's hand, and took three huge steps so that the water was up to his knees. Alex turned around, seeking Jefferson's approval, and shivered when they made eye contact. The water was pretty cold, after all. Jefferson was beaming. He gestured for Alex to go further before wading through the water after him. Once Alex was in up to his boxers, he realized his mistake.

"Jefferson."

"Yeah?"

"I should not have worn boxers."

Jefferson snickered, "And why is that?"

"It's like a balloon down there. My dick is just freely floating in the ocean. No protection whatsoever." Jefferson cackled and Alex held up an arm to stop him from walking any closer.

"On a completely unrelated note, don't look underwater. You might get an unobstructed view of my penis and nobody wants that."

Jefferson smirked, "You got that right." Alex glared at him.

Soon, they were chest deep in the ocean and Alex could have spent the rest of his life being rocked by the water.

"Jefferson?" Alex murmured, staring into the distance where the sun was glinting off the waves. "I think I'm in love."

"Yeah." Jefferson agreed, "The beach is pretty amazing."

"Yeah."

Alex went quiet again until a splash of water hit him square in the back. He whirled around in shock and almost toppled over.

"What the fuck?!" Jefferson was doubled over laughing, the tips of his curly hair getting soaked by the water.

"You asshole!" Alex shrieked, "I was _AT PEACE_."

That only fueled the fire. Jefferson howled with laughter, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath. Alex growled and smacked the water in Jefferson's direction, effectively dowsing him. Jefferson spluttered and wiped his face.

"Oh, nasty, my mouth is all salty now!"

"That's what she said!" Alex screamed loud enough that several heads on the beach turned to look at them. Jefferson sent another armful of water at him for that and the battle was on. They splashed each other until Jefferson's hair was a sponge full of salt water and Alex's nose burned but Alex couldn't be bothered because he was laughing so hard that his ribs hurt. His hands were wrinkled and soggy when they finally ventured back to the shore, thanks to the alarm on Jefferson's stupid waterproof watch letting them know it was close to one o'clock. Alex couldn't complain too much, though, because his stomach was grumbling louder than the ocean itself.

Jefferson forced Alex to go up to their room and change out of his boxers into real clothes and Alex obeyed begrudgingly. He decided to lay his wet underwear out on the balcony to dry in the sun, then grabbed his phone and went back down to the lobby.

Another paid driver escorted them to Waffle House and Alex, who forgot his wallet, got her email and promised to paypal a tip. Jefferson, ever the gentleman, held the door open and Alex had to resist the urge to glare as he walked in. The staff greeted them warmly when they mentioned Washington's name and Alex shared a look with Jefferson. They were being treated like royalty - which, Alex guessed that made sense, considering Washington was the president, but it was still weird. They were seated immediately at a table that was pushed up against a window. Alex took the initiative this time and pulled Jefferson's chair out for him, earning a surprised look from his fake date.

They ordered waters to rehydrate and Alex barely glanced at the menu before requesting pancakes and sausage. Jefferson ordered a more full meal, complete with blueberry waffles. They barely had time to make small talk before their food was brought out. Alex grabbed the maple syrup and poured it generously over his pancakes, causing Jefferson to gag.

"Seriously? Who gets pancakes at a place called Waffle House?"

"Shut the fuck up and eat your toast."

Jefferson laughed and something flashed outside the window. Alex jumped and whipped around to look out the window. There was a guy with a camera on the sidewalk, wincing and being reprimanded by another guy with _another_ camera.

"No pressure, right?" Alex directed his question at Jefferson, who looked a little uneasy.

They ate in mostly silence, both of them worn out just from wading in the ocean. When Jefferson finished his food, he pulled a tube of chapstick out and applied it to his lips. Alex could only assume the chapstick was stuck up his ass because there was no other way Jefferson could have brought that from the hotel room.

"You look ridiculous with your hair and your chapstick." Alex commented, kicking Jefferson's bare foot with his own under the table. A camera flashed outside.

"Come back to me tomorrow when your lips are ruined and mine are perfect." Jefferson quipped, turning his nose up at Alex and sticking the chapstick back wherever it came from.

"Your mom's lips are perfect." Alex muttered under his breath, pushing his plate of syrup to the middle of the table. Jefferson rolled his eyes and pushed Alexander's foot away. He leaned over the table, pursed his lips out at Alex and closed his eyes.

"...Are you serious?" Alex choked out. Jefferson's lips were oddly shiny from the chapstick and he could just barely smell the scent of coconut. Jefferson squinted one eye open.

"Your mom didn't ask questions like that last night." Alex gasped, Jefferson smiled, then Alex was leaning across the table and kissing him. It was short and a little bit.. slippery? From the chapstick. But Alex pressed his lips against Jefferson's and tried not to look disgusted. The click of a camera could be heard through the glass and as soon as it happened, Alex pulled away. Jefferson was staring at him with his jaw hanging open.

"I didn't think you would actually do that."

"Since when have you ever known me to back down from a challenge?" Alex teased, smacking his lips. "Mm, no offense but you kind of taste like sunscreen." Jefferson quirked a smile.

"It's the chapstick."

"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION! i'm going to go back to updating once a week because i'm finding it hard to keep up with two chapters a week, obviously. so let me know if you guys want me to update fridays or sundays. thanks! i read all your comments even though i haven't had time to reply to everyone yet!!!!!


	12. sunset cruise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex and thomas get drunk on a boat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rt if you love thomas giving alex the nickname 'ham'
> 
> kim chi chi is a real drag queen that i met while on a sunset cruise in hawai'i. our meeting went something similar to what happens in this chapter. here is her work:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWCJABQ-nJE
> 
>  
> 
> read the end notes please!

"I think I'm allergic to your chapstick."

Alex dabbed delicately at his lips with his first two fingers. He and Thomas were walking side by side through the sand, towards the dock. The beginnings of a sunset were just starting to show in the sky - the sun's yellow intensity from earlier was replaced with an orange glow. It was close to 7:30pm - the time they were supposed to board for a "sunset cruise". They wasted five or six more hours on the beach; Jefferson pestering Alex every five minutes to reapply sunscreen and Alex obeying with a frown because salt water made him complacent, apparently. By the time their afternoon was halfway over, the ends of Thomas' hair were bleached light brown by the sun, which Alex found amazing. But he would never tell Jefferson that.

"I think you just like to be difficult." Thomas shot back halfheartedly.

The beach mellowed them both out significantly. Or maybe they were developing heat stroke. Either way, Alex had yet to pick a real fight with Jefferson since that morning. He aimed to fix that before the evening was over.

"I'm serious!" Alex pouted. His lips started tingling any time he thought about what happened earlier. He brushed it off at first, but now it was slightly concerning. Before he could linger on his potentially deadly illness any longer, Alex was startled by a loud horn coming from the dock.

"Sunset cruise, boarding now." A high pitched voice, distorted by a megaphone, carried over the crashing waves. Alex gasped and turned towards Jefferson, the motion causing his salty hair to whip him in the face.

"They're boarding! We have to go!" Alex grabbed Jefferson's hand and took off, jogging the rest of the way to the dock.

Once they were safely on the boat, Alexander made it his personal mission to become best friends with the captain. He sidled up to the wheel of the ship - was there a name for that? Was it called a steering wheel, like a car? - and tried to look cool by leaning back against the seat.

The way the boat was set up was with multiple white seating areas, kind of like hard plastic couches, for groups to sit and drink and chat. Alex bolted away from his companion as soon as they boarded the boat. Or, at least, he thought he did.

"What're you doing?" Alexander jumped at the sound of Jefferson's voice.

"Jesus!" Alex turned away from the steering wheel to see Jefferson sliding into the seat next to him, curly hair bound in a messy bun and a bright orange drink in each hand.

"Not _who_ are you doing, _what_ are you doing." Jefferson teased with a wink. Alex glared and snatched one of the drinks before Jefferson could offer it.

"Hopefully, I'll be doing the captain later, if you know what I mean." Alex tried to wink and accidentally bit his cheek in the process, somehow. He winced and cradled the side of his face with his free hand while Jefferson pulled a sour expression.

"You're cheating on me already? I thought this was supposed to be our honeymoon!" Alex scoffed and nudged Jefferson's thigh with his knee.

"It's nothing personal. There's just something dreamy about a man who can sail a boat." Alexander let out a sigh before taking a sip of his drink. He smacked his lips and hummed.

"Where did you get these, anyway? This tastes like straight up fruit punch."

Jefferson nodded his head towards the opposite side of the boat, where an unnaturally brown white man was filling and refilling cups at the speed of light for the crowd around him.

"Chase." Alex choked on his drink and blinked at Jefferson.

"Chase?"

Jefferson nodded seriously and stared back at Alexander.

"Chase."

Alex burst into laughter so suddenly, he almost bit his hurt cheek again.

"You mean to tell me," He spluttered between fits of laughter, "that white man over there with the horrible fake tan," Alex howled, "is named Chase?!" Alex doubled over and just barely managed to keep from spilling his drink.

"He's a walking stereotype!"

"Alex, I know, but people are starting to stare."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I can't help it!" Alex took a deep breath and sat back in his seat. "I just can't believe this. This is real life."

"I know, dude. Hey- don't look now, but I think the Captain's coming." Alex straightened his back and glanced around frantically, his eyes finally catching on a short figure approaching the ship's wheel.

"Excuse me," Alexander called in a voice he hoped was attractive, "what is that wheel called?"

"Smooth." Thomas muttered. Alex elbowed him into silence. The figure turned towards Alex and slowly revealed a rounder, more feminine face than Alex was expecting. Whatever, he wasn't one to discriminate when it came to body types. The face grinned and Alex was almost stunned at how beautiful this guy was.

"It's called the helm. But you can just call it a wheel. Nobody here really cares."

"Hey, Ham." Alex tore his eyes away from the captain to glare at Jefferson.

"What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"I think your hot man might be a woman." Alex frowned.

"Men don't have to fit your standards of beauty, Jefferson."

"I know," Thomas sighed, "but I have a feeling about this one."

"Fine." Alex grumbled. "Excuse me, Captain, are you a woman?" The figure turned away from where they were tying and untying ropes to give Alexander a wary look.

"Yes."

Alex sighed audibly and slouched back in his seat, a pained look on his face. The Captain folded her arms and looked like she was about to lay into Alex before Thomas butted in.

"Sorry about that, Captain, my friend here is a sexist. I'm Thomas and I admire you for working twice as hard as a man to get where you are." Thomas offered his free hand out and after a moment of contemplation, the Captain stepped forward to shake it.

"I'm Maria. Like Mariah Carey but without an H. Pleased to meet you." Maria gave Thomas a half smile, then stepped back to finish her work on the ropes.

"Hey, I'm still here!" Alex exclaimed, sitting up in his seat. "I'm Alex and I'm _not_ a sexist. I'm gay!" Thomas stifled a laugh and Alexander shot him another glare. Maria looked over her shoulder and raised one eyebrow.

"That's cool. Me too." This time, Jefferson couldn't hold back his laughter.

"You two are perfect for each other!"

"Shut up, Jefferson!" Alex scooted a couple inches further away from Thomas, leaving him half-dangling off the edge of the seat, and took a gulp of his alcoholic fruit punch.

"You're so sexist! You automatically assumed that the captain would be a man!" Jefferson wiped tears from his eyes and tried to stop laughing. "Ohhh, I am not drunk enough for this. Alexander Hamilton. Finally getting what he deserves from the universe!"

Alex flushed red and tried to hide behind his cup. In a way, Jefferson was kind of right. He thought the captain would be a man. What an asshole.

It only took another half an hour for Alex to start slurring his words. Jefferson, although he was assigned the responsibility of keeping Alexander sober, was also pretty drunk. They'd encountered more than a few fun people on the boat - a group of ladies celebrating a birthday, a few couples more interested in making out than looking at the beautiful ocean sunset, another group of women who had to be older than 70 just going on a cruise for the hell of it. Then, from across the boat, Alex spotted him.

"Jefferson." Alex stated as clearly as he could. "Jefferson, I have a secret to tell you." Alex leaned up against Thomas, nearly knocking him over as they were both standing in the middle of the boat, and moved in until they were nose to nose.

"There is a drag queen over there."

Thomas gasped softly and Alex inhaled the alcohol on his breath.

"Where?!" Alex tried to nod towards the drag queen and ended up knocking his head against Thomas' instead.

"Ow! Fuck. He's over there. Black hair, black t-shirt." Thomas followed Alex's gaze and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Ham, that's just a man. A regular man." Alex shook his head and made a noise of protest.

"No! He's a drag queen. I have a radar. What do they call it? Gaydar?"

"Gaydar is just for gay people. Not all drag queens are gay."

"Drag-dar? Queen-dar?" Alex perused for a second and then realized he was wasting time. "No! That's beside the point!" Thomas blinked. "He's a drag queen and I know it. Bet you fifty bucks."

"You're drunk. Twenty."

"Deal."

Alex weaved through the crowd of people, only tripping once, until he approached the man in question.

"Hello! I'm Alexander Hamilton."

"O-kay. Cool. I'm Kim."

"Hi Kim. You know, you could be a drag queen." Alex grinned and waggled his eyebrows to the best of his ability.

"Alex!" Jefferson shouted from somewhere behind him, "That's cheating." Alex huffed and shouted back.

"It's not cheating, it's the truth!" Kim's cheeks were a little pink when Alexander looked back. "Sorry, my friend thinks you're not a drag queen. But I know you are. Are you a drag queen?"

"I mean..." Kim smiled and shrugged one shoulder, "I've done a few shows."

"I knew it!" Alex yelled, fist pumping the air with the hand that wasn't holding a drink. "My drag queen gaydar is real, baby! Nice eyebrows, by the way." Alex reached out to stroke Kim's eyebrow when his arm was grabbed by something. Suddenly, Alexander was being pulled away from Kim and back into the crowd.

"Bye, Kim!"

"Bye, Alexander! Look me up on Youtube! Kim Chi Chi!"

"I promise!" Alex cried, trying to pull his wrist out of the death trap that was Jefferson's hand. Jefferson finally let go of him, only to grab his drink and dump it overboard.

"Hey!" Alexander protested with a sniffle.

"Are you crying?" Jefferson's face came into view and Alex thought it looked very soft.

"I'm crying?" Alex patted his face and his hand came back wet. "Oh my god, I'm crying! Why am I crying?"

"I.. don't know. Probably because I stopped you from assaulting someone." Alex sniffed again and reached for Jefferson's shirt.

"Hey, what're you- oh, gross, man!" Alex finished wiping his face and let go of Jefferson's shirt, feeling slightly better about himself.

"Where did you even get that shirt from? We're on the beach." Alex swallowed and found his throat was dry, so he looked around for his drink.

"I got it from a gift shop." Thomas frowned and looked down at his snot-stained shirt.

"Where did my drink go?" Alex pouted and reached for Thomas' cup, but Thomas was faster and less drunk, so he quickly dumped it out into the ocean before Alex could reach it.

"I think we're done drinking, now, buddy." Alexander's eyes welled up again and he stomped his foot.

"You suck, Thomas Jefferson!" Jefferson, feeling a little more sober, put a hand on Alex's shoulder.

"I know. It's okay. The cruise is almost over, anyway. See? We're heading back to the shore." Alex turned to look and, sure enough, Jefferson was right. They were only about thirty feet from land.

"Okay. I think I'm ready to go to sleep now." Alex announced. He looked around for a spare seat and, when he didn't see one, sat down on the ground.

"Alex-"

"Shhh. I'm meditating." Alex closed his eyes and placed his hands on his knees.

"I'm pretty sure that's disrespectful to some religion somewhere in the world." Thomas tried, but it was no use. Alex already tuned him out. He sat on the floor for a full two minutes, silent and motionless, to the point where Thomas was starting to think he'd actually fallen asleep.

"Attention, partygoers! That concludes our sunset cruise, we hope you had a great time and please remember to tip your bartender before you exit the boat." Alex shot up like a spring, jolting Thomas out of his stupor.

"Jesus, Hamilton! Warn a guy!" Alex was already getting off the boat by the time Thomas stood up to follow him.

Alexander took six steps off the boat and collapsed in the sand. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the stars. A few seconds later, the sand vibrated with a thud as Jefferson joined him on the ground. Alex stayed still, starfished on the beach, the waves just barely tickling his toes, and tried to ignore the tingle in his chest when the back of Jefferson's hand rested against his own. Alex controlled his breathing and extended his pinky out slowly until it was loosely wrapped around Jefferson's pinky. If Thomas noticed, he made no move to acknowledge it. And Alex was happy with that. He viewed this as a peace treaty. A mutual acknowledgement that, for right now, they were on the same team.

There was no sign of the passing of time except the sound of waves crashing against the shore every few seconds. Alex counted the waves in increments of ten because that was as high as he could count before forgetting what number he was on. He wondered what Jefferson was thinking. Had he fallen asleep? Alex didn't dare look over to find out. He wanted to feel this content for as long as possible.

Eventually, Alexander sobered up enough to realize they couldn't sleep on the beach or he would wake up with a migraine and second degree burns. He allowed himself to stare up at the sky for another thirty waves. But then he started counting the stars and forgot to count waves. There were roughly, probably, over a million stars in view. The moon outshone them all. Alex was done looking at the sky. He turned his head towards Thomas and took a sharp breath in. He'd never seen him look so.... unbothered? Relaxed? Happy? Thomas had his face turned towards the sky with his eyes closed. Alex would have thought he was asleep, but there was just the slightest hint of a smile touching his cheeks.

As slowly as Alex could possibly manage, he extracted his hand from Jefferson's and sat up. He felt the vertigo from his buzz wearing off and managed to take a few deep breaths to steady himself. Finally, Alex stood up successfully and offered Jefferson a hand. Thomas cracked one eye open and accepted Alex's hand. Together, they stumbled across the sand, with Thomas' arm thrown around Alex's shoulders for support and Alexander giggling into Thomas' snot covered shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everybody who has been so patiently waiting for an update on this fic!!! i have a million reasons why i had to take a hiatus so here are a few:
> 
> i traveled to new jersey/new york for a week long job trial and YES I WENT TO THE TONYS AND YES I WENT TO THE RICHARD ROGERS THEATER
> 
> two days after coming home to houston i drove 4 hours to support my pregnant bff who just got out of the hospital because she was working at a church for VBS and they needed my help
> 
> i denied the job in NJ but got hired full time as a nanny in texas which took up most of my time for a month and thEN the parents left for japan and paid me to take care of the 3 kids 24/7 for a month (parents might be back tomorrow night which would mean i would have more time to write, finally)
> 
> to top it all off, i got in a car accident where nobody was injured except for my beautiful car. it's totaled and now i am without a vehicle for the time being so prayers would be appreciated.
> 
> now that my life is just slightly less wild, i am hesitantly planning to update this fic every friday night, starting this friday. 
> 
> if you would like updates on the updates or just want to talk because i am so lonely, hit me up on tumblr!
> 
> anentireuncookedmeatloaf.tumblr.com
> 
> P.S. i am leaving for maryland from september 19th - 26th to see robin de jesus as usnavi in In The Heights three times so i might not update that week and also i might die and go to heaven
> 
> THANKS FOR READING! LEAVE COMMENTS I READ THEM ALL AND WILL BE TRYING TO CATCH UP ON RESPONDING TONIGHT


	13. aaron burr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the end notes!

Sunday morning was bright, beautiful, and an absolute nightmare.

Alexander woke up with the sun and had a good three hours of alone time before Jefferson woke up - which he used to wallow in misery. There was somebody out there who had the power to get Alexander terminated and possibly imprisoned, and Alex had forgotten about that fact until it was too late. He deliberated telling Jefferson and ultimately decided against it. It was too late to do anything now, anyway - the letter gave Alex a deadline of Saturday night, which was roughly 10 hours ago.

To distract himself from life, Alex tried to brew coffee for the first time. It couldn't be that hard, right? The machine had a container for water and coffee grounds, all Alex had to do was dump them in there. So he did. And what ended up in the pot was almost straight water with some little brown grits floating inside. Alex found a mug in the pristine hotel kitchen and poured a cup so when he finally got it right, he could compare. This process continued for over an hour; he mixed and matched different amounts of coffee and water, poured each item in a different way, and so on, with little change in the results.

Eventually, Alex decided to take a break and let his brain recharge. He still hadn't had a sip of coffee. He sat down on the kitchen floor, leaned up against the oven, and fell asleep almost instantly.

Two hours later, Thomas found Alex asleep on the floor, surrounded by six mugs of badly made coffee. He stepped around Alexander carefully and opened the coffee maker to inspect the damage. Thomas cringed at the lack of a filter - a crucial step in making coffee, unless you used a french press. He rinsed out the coffee maker, found a filter, and started brewing. In the meantime, Thomas squatted down on the floor next to Alex and tried to wake him up gently.

"Yo... Alex. Hamilton. Are you alive?" Alex gave a start and blinked rapidly up at Jefferson.

"What happened?" Thomas shrugged and took a look around at Alex's many failed coffee-making attempts.

"I think you came in here, tried to make coffee, and passed out." Alex followed Thomas' gaze and winced at the watery concoctions.

"I think you're right. Also, I can see your penis because your boxers are loose and your legs are open."

Thomas yelped and slapped a hand over his crotch while Alex cackled and stood up.

"I usually wait until the third date to see the other person's genitals. I guess some people are more eager than others." Alex sauntered out of the kitchen and collapsed on the couch.

Thomas flushed and spluttered, "It was an accident!"

"Sure, pal." Alex dug the remote out from between the couch cushions and clicked the tv on. It was on the news channel, where a very familiar name caught Alex's eye.

"Uhh, Jefferson? I think we're on the news."

"Wait, what?" Thomas was picking up the abandoned coffee mugs and rinsing them in the sink. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, no, I was just kidding. Yes, I'm serious!"

"Turn the volume up!" Alex obeyed with a scowl. Onscreen, a blonde lady shuffled a stack of papers and looked directly at the camera. The headline on the bottom of the screen read, "Gay Couple in the White House?"

"Welcome back to our ten o'clock session; I'm your host, Kathy, and today we're covering what seems to be the biggest political scandal since the election."

Alex scoffed, "Bigger than harrassment charges? Yeah, right." Thomas shushed him loudly and sat down next to Alex on the couch, half-dried mug and dishrag still in his hands.

"I'm joined by my co-host, Michael." The camera zoomed out to show a smiling black man sitting next to Kathy. He nodded at the camera and Alex gasped. It was the man from the bar! The barista John was flirting with was... a news anchor? Maybe his memory was foggy - he had been buzzed and also on the verge of a panic attack that night. Alex patted his pockets and pulled his phone out, then tried and failed to call John without looking away from the tv.

"Hello?"

"Turn on channel four news! The guy from the bar is a news anchor!"

"What? Are you okay, man?"

"I'm fine! Remember when we went to the bar and that guy made you a drink? Tall, dark, handsome, is now on daytime television?"

"Okay, I'm turning it on but this better be for real. I was trying to take a nap."

"You don't work today?" Thomas elbowed Alexander and shushed him even louder than before. Alex stuck his tongue out and elbowed him back.

"I have to be quiet, Jefferson's being a dick, as always."

"They're talking about us! Shut up!" Thomas wrangled the remote away from Alex and turned on closed captions so he could understand what was being said. Alex huffed at the same time as John gasped over the phone.

"That's him! Oh my god, his name's Michael? That's beautiful." Alex redirected his attention back to the tv now that John was onboard.

"I mean, I'm just saying, I don't see why they're under such scrutiny!" Michael was saying, "If I went out and got a boyfriend, nobody would look twice."

"Yes, but this is very much in the public eye." Kathy argued back, "I mean, children are watching this all unfold! Are parents going to have to explain things to these kids that they aren't ready to hear?"

"You mean, like politics? This isn't the Disney Channel, Kathy. With all due respect, I think America is ready for this! My question is - why now? Why these two people? Hamilton and Jefferson are notorious for being public enemies. We have footage of them arguing in court years ago! They've never gotten along. What changed?"

"I don't have an answer for you, Michael, but I can show you that this seems to be the real deal." Kathy nodded at the camera and the screen changed to a picture of Alex and Thomas at Waffle House. "You saw it here first, folks. Channel 4 News."

"YOU AND JEFFERSON KISSED?!" John screeched in Alex's ear. Alex yelped and nearly dropped the phone.

"Shit, John, I forgot you were there! It wasn't a big deal, okay." Alex glanced at Thomas, trying to gauge his reaction. So far, he was alarmingly neutral.

"Dude, tell me everything. How did it happen? Did it taste disgusting? _Did you like it?_ " 

Alex felt his face heat up. "Okay, bye John!"

"YOU LI-" Alex hung up before John could finish.

"Well. That was enlightening. We learned a lot today." Alex stated, taking the remote back from Jefferson and turning the tv off. The story had changed, anyway.

Thomas remained silent, staring off into space and half-heartedly drying his coffee mug.

"I can't believe that was the guy at the bar. Who has a day job at a news station and a night job as a barista? Is that a popular thing? Why don't either of those jobs pay well enough?" Alexander continued rambling as he stood up and reentered the kitchen. He fished two clean mugs out of the sink and filled them with fresh coffee. Thomas was still on the couch when Alex finished adding cream and sugar, so he gently kicked Thomas' leg as he walked by.

"Hey. Let's check out the balcony."

Alex led Thomas back through the bedroom and to a sliding glass door. He tried to open it, but with two full cups of coffee, that proved too difficult for one man. Thomas ended up opening the door and Alex nodded his thanks as he slipped through.

The small porch faced the ocean, though it was so high up, the people looked miniscule. There were two white chairs with a small table in between, which Alex used to set down their drinks. He settled down in a chair and Thomas did the same. They reached for their coffees at the same time and neither one of them chose to acknowledge it. Instead, they sipped and pretended it wasn't weird that Alex knew how much cream and sugar Thomas liked.

 

The rest of the day came and went, almost too quick for Alex's liking. He wasn't looking forward to returning to the office Monday morning and potentially facing the end of his career. He still had no clue who left him the letter and if they were really going to report him. Alex spent the whole train ride home moping and feeling sorry for himself. The only good thing that came out of that was that Thomas left him well enough alone, choosing instead to work on his laptop for four hours.

 

Strangly, when Monday morning actually came around, Alex was feeling a thousand times better. Maybe because he'd accepted his fate and grow accustomed to the idea of life in jail. However it happened, Alexander was cheerful and bouncing down the hall to his office. Or, rather, to Jefferson's office.

"Yo, Jeff, you'll never BELIEVE what John said-"

Alex cut off mid sentence and froze halfway through the door. Aaron Burr was sitting at his desk, staring at Alexander with an eyebrow raised. Alex almost tackled him to the ground before he remembered Burr's injuries, so he settled for throwing himself at Burr's feet instead.

"AARON BURR!"

"Alexander."

"THIS OFFICE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU!"

"I bet you didn't even notice I was gone."

Alex fake sobbed, "I did! I did notice and I have been living a nightmare every second of your absence!"

That finally got Burr to crack half a smile.

"I would think my life has been more of a nightmare than yours recently." He quipped and Alex gasped.

"HE'S BACK!"

Burr shoved him off, blushing profusely.

"Get out of here before I start throwing shit at you."

Alex scrambled to his feet, grinning wickedly, and raced out of the office, calling "See you later, Jefferson!" over his shoulder. He didn't miss the way Jefferson was beaming at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and finally, after months and 39k words of building this up, we're about to be tying off a lot of loose ends in this fic. i have a file titled "plot" that is metaphorically burning a hole through my computer and waiting to get out. the only part of this fic that i haven't planned every detail of is jeff's "personal blog" - when i wrote that, i had a plan, but i didn't write it down (i thought i did) and now i don't remember what it was. i'm thinking just a collection of jeff's thoughts through this whole process. i might write a oneshot after this fic is finished about it. 
> 
> sorry for the short chapter and sorry for not updating when i said i would update klfhjldhjld in my defense i have been working nonstop since the 11th (like 70 hours) and i had two days off which i used to pick up my new car because i needed one desperately. i think i'm going to move updates to once every two weeks since my work schedule is still so hectic. i wrote most of this chapter while the three kids were napping and they're actually still asleep right now but there's laundry to fold and a kitchen to clean so i have almost no time to write!
> 
> be safe and have a great solar eclipse weekend everyone!!!
> 
> and literally, as i am typing this, a kid just woke up. peace out

**Author's Note:**

> TALK TO ME
> 
> anentireuncookedmeatloaf.tumblr.com


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